The Monster Mash!

http://www.monstermashup.com/2b6894

Happy Halloween!

Gardasil:"The rate of serious adverse events is greater than the incidence rate of cervical cancer."

All I have to say is: Duh.

I saw this one coming when I first reviewed this horrible "cancer vaccine."

Gardasil Researcher Drops A Bombshell

Harper: Controversal Drug Will Do Little To Reduce Cervical Cancer Rates

Dr. Diane Harper, lead researcher in the development of two human papilloma virus vaccines, Gardasil and Cervarix, said the controversial drugs will do little to reduce cervical cancer rates and, even though they’re being recommended for girls as young as nine, there have been no efficacy trials in children under the age of 15.

At the time, which was at the height of Merck’s controversial drive to have the vaccine mandated in schools, Dr. Harper remained steadfastly opposed to the idea and said she had been trying for months to convince major television and print media about her concerns, “but no one will print it.”

“It is silly to mandate vaccination of 11 to 12 year old girls,” she said at the time. “There also is not enough evidence gathered on side effects to know that safety is not an issue.”

When asked why she was speaking out, she said: “I want to be able to sleep with myself when I go to bed at night.”

Since the drug’s introduction in 2006, the public has been learning many of these facts the hard way. To date, 15,037 girls have officially reported adverse side effects from Gardasil to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS). These adverse reactions include Guilliane Barre, lupus, seizures, paralysis, blood clots, brain inflammation and many others. The CDC acknowledges that there have been 44 reported deaths.

Why would anyone get this for themselves let alone their young daughter?  I want to be "one less" source of revenue for Merck to recover from their Vioxx scandal, thank you very much.

Beauty In Any Size.

http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2009/10/plus-size-and-ready-to-flaunt.html

Stop Beating Grandma!

My friend Yolanda replied to my post the other day on treating kids like people.  She makes a good point at how this relates not only to how we talk to our kids but the questions of spanking.  She said,

I think this topic pertains to spanking and yelling/screaming at your child. Why is it, that at some point, parents stop spanking their children???? You don't spank your grandma for peeing the bed or spilling the milk....you don't spank your co-worker for talking back to you.

Need another reason not to spank?  There you go.  Adults don't smack each other when they do something wrong.  It is disrespectful and counterproductive!  Same goes with your kids.  

Aellyn's First Playdate!

Aellyn had her first playdate* yesterday with Genevieve and her big sister, Simone.  Genevieve is 15 days younger than Aellyn and they just loved each other!  Simone, 3, is also such a cutie!



*Aellyn has had two friend visit her before: Amari and Samantha.  I count this as the first since she was too little to "play" with Amari or Samantha!

Let Them Play: Is Early Formal Education Hurting Our Kids?

Intersting educational news from England regarding the state of primary education there that I think translates well in the US where the average child starts formal schooling at 4.5 years of age.


Children, their World, their Education: final report and recommendations of the Cambridge Primary Review (supported by Esmée Fairbairn Foundation and based at the Faculty of Education at the University of Cambridge.)

We know, thanks to research, what children need to flourish in their early years. They need the opportunity to build their social skills, their language and their confidence. They do this best through structured play and talk, interacting with each other and with interested and stimulating adults. The evidence is overwhelming that all children, but particularly those from disadvantaged homes, benefit from high-quality pre-school experiences... There is no evidence that a child who spends more time learning through lessons – as opposed to learning through play – will ‘do better’ in the long run. In fact, research suggests the opposite; that too formal too soon can be dangerously counterproductive. In 14 of the 15 countries that scored higher than England in a major study of reading and literacy in 2006, children did not enter school until they were six or seven. And more children read for pleasure in most of those countries than do so in England.

I think this is particularly interesting since it speaks to what I feel is our society's desire to have our kids grow up too soon (sleep alone by 6 weeks, wear thong underwear at 8!, etc.). We are forever shortening the concept of childhood. Research into cognitive development shows early childhood, sometimes called the "play age", extending until 7 or 8 years. For example, Piaget's cognitive development timeline has children not reaching concrete operation until between the ages of 7 and 12; In Kohlberg's stages of moral development, children don't reach the level of conventional morality until adolescents (pre-conventional morality being a very egocentric black/white view of morality and conventional being more societal and long-term); and Lev Vygotsky's research on play also shows that the development "in the early grades (4 - 7 year olds) the promotion of learning activity can be prepared by stimulating the development of the essential psychological prerequisites of learning activity during play."

It is also interesting to note historical ages of childhood. Although it is often shown that childhood has a much more important role in the modern world (with lack of responsibilities and privilage) historically children were considered infants and babies much longer. The Jews of the Bible age kept children until they were weaned usually around 6 years old. Sparta, which took its boys for military training, did so at 7 years old. The following chart (click on it to get a bigger view) has an interesting look at the stages of childhood. Notice how they fade in and out - since each child is different.



Perhaps we are expecting too much from our children too soon? Is this having a negative impact on outcomes? In our hurry to make our kids grow up are we shortchanging their cognitive development? Another quote from the Cambridge report:

When the children moved into Year 1 [kindergarten equivalent in the US] we found some were regressing educationally and in their social and emotional development. They worried about their learning and this stopped them being effective learners any more. The transition from the foundation stage was such a drastic change. They were used to initiating their own learning and suddenly we were restricting them with literacy and numeracy hours, prescribing what and when they should learn.

Learning is a natural human adaptation. It is what makes us learn to walk and talk in such a short time. Nurturing this natural tendency is the best way to help children grow. Hindering or restricting the process breaks down the ability to effectively learn. This is why children who are forced to read before their time (which is much older for boys than girls) can lose the love of reading before they reach middle school. It becomes a burden instead of fun.
For me, homeschooling answers this problem. I'll be able to let Aellyn's interests direct her learning. But, if that isn't an option to you look for schools that foster play-based learning in K-3. Talk to your local school board about the importance of play-based learning. The research is there to back it up we just need the right people to listen.

Bible Wisdom for the Stressed

There is a great radio ministry called Christian Working Woman that I hear each morning on the way to work. They talk about common working-woman woes and how to put a spiritual spin on your problems. Their website is also a great source of information. This morning's message was called Freedom from the Curse of Work and it talked about being able to say Thank God It's Monday and not just Friday by enjoying your job. The key according to the speaker was to change your attitude! Boy, did I need to hear that!

So I decided to compile some Biblical wisdom regarding work, stress, and anxiety to remind me to count my blessings and I thought I'd share.

Be Content and Patient

...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation....I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-12).

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men"
(Colossians 3:23).

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9).

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke
upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30:).

"Since you know that you will receive an inheritance form the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving (Colossians 3:24).”

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him (Ps. 37:7)."

"Those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings likand not become weary (Isaiah 40:31)."

"For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10)." 

 
Relax:

“Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)."

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matt. 6:34)."

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life (Matt. 6:27)?"

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Phil. 4:6)."

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up (Prov. 12:25)."

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Ps. 42:5, 11)." 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Prov. 17:22)."

Communication Skills:

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19)."

"Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men (Titus 3:1-2)."

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)."

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18)."

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones (Proverbs 16:24)."

" The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone (Proverbs 25:15).

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11)."

Kids Are People Too

Arwyn over at Raising My Boychick has (as usual) a wonderful and thought provoking post about how we de-humanize children.

Dancing between the tables: on the personhood of children 

She points out that;

When the parent-blaming child-shaming folk say “I treat kids like people by expecting them to act like it” what they’re really saying is “I expect kids to act like adults”, which boils down to the belief that only adults are people.

This is a common, socially-acceptable way to belittle a population (as Arwyn says “Of course I don’t have a problem with [women/gays/immigrants/people with disabilities/people of color/trans persons] — when they act just like me. As long as they [act like men/couple and get married/learn English/act able/act white/are straight and gender normative], of course they should have rights!”) and basically boils down to discrimination.

This is bad enough, however, I think parents actually do this to their own children too.I recently ate at a hibachi-style Japanese restraunt (yum) where you are sitting with other people around the communal grill.  We were sitting by a family with a little girl of about 6 or 7 years old.  I was astounded how everyone at the table (mom, dad, sister of about 11, and grandma) were talking about her like she wasn't there.  "Oh she won't eat that."  "She'll be scared of the fire, so sit on Daddy's lap."  "You can split your meal with [Her]."  When they ordered they ordered for her.  Now, that isn't necessarily horrible.  I think parents should encourage kids to order for themselves and thus learn to be polite and concise but I get that some kids aren't ready for that and ordering for them makes the waiters job easier.  However, I don't think at anytime this little girl was given any say in the matter.

You know your kid will only eat chicken and if you put the terriyaki sauce on it she won't touch it.  I get that.  But, it takes away any sense of self-determination to assume that.  It treats her like a kid and, of course she is a kid, but aren't we always asking them to behave as adults?  Isn't our job to teach them how to become adults?

Imagine your grandmother is feeble and forgetful and in a child-like way needs your help with things like reading the menu or hearing the waiter.  Would you just pretend she wasn't there and order for her?  Or would you ask her what she wants (or at least if what you want to get her is ok)?  Why?  I think we would do that because it is just respectful to treat another person in that manner.  Grandma probably always gets the chicken too and sauces make her gassy (lol) but you don't just ignore her like a child and order for her.

What if you asked your child, "what do you want to eat?  There is chicken and steak.  You didn't like the steak last time, remember but you can get what you want."  This reminds her she didn't like the steak but gives her the respect of having an option.  When the waiter asks "do you want soup or salad" and you know your kid hates soup why not just ask, "which would you like dear?"  When the fire situation comes tell your child "there is going to be fire but you don't have to be afraid because it won't hurt you it is just for show.  Does this take longer?  Maybe.  But what is your kid getting out of it?

1. You respect her opinion and thus her personhood through their right to make choices. 
   
2. By giving them a choice you can avert tantrums that are often frustration about lack of control (studies show that giving them choices can avert tantrums later about things they can't have a choice about even - so giving a choice for dinner can smooth the way for the no-choice teeth brushing situation later).
   
3. You have modeled proper social behavior helping your child develop those very important life skills.
   
4.  You've shown trust in your child and taught her to trust herself.  You trust her to make a big girl decision and to be a big girl when the fire comes.  Is she always going to make the right decision or act like a big girl with the fire?  No.  But she never will if you show that you don't think she can.
5. You've given her the gift of change.  How often do we stymie people by assuming that they way there were is the way they will always be.  Don't you think the difficulty that people have with change might stem, in part, from the fact that change is never assumed.  If you talk about your kids with "she hates meat" then why would she ever try it?  She is learning the thought pattern that once she decides something change is rare and difficult.  Do her the favor of learning young that it is ok for things to change.
   

You can provide a great teaching moment with sensitive, respectful parenting.  I think that's worth the extra few seconds at the table.

I'm Naming My Next Daughter Amenorrhea

I got screwed! Eight months and 9 days of Lactational amenorrhea. Crap. The average is closer to 12 months.   I just can't think of anything nice to say bout this.  I'm going to go have some Ben & Jerry's.

Supporting Parents in the Workplace and the Home: Part 1

I am very fortunate to work at a place with generally progressive programs for work/life balance.  However, 'progressive' in the United States is horribly behind most industrialized countries and miles away from ideal.  Often our arguments center around Stay-at-home vs. Work-outside-the-home Moms which dilutes the real problem of supporting mothers, fathers, and families as a society.  Here are some areas on my wish list for supporting mothers.

Maternity Leave -  This is the first in my list and the first priority.  The US has zero respect for parenting as evidenced by the lack of maternity leave.  All the additional programs and concessions are pale olive branches disguising this very real problem. 

• The United States of America shares the glorious distinction, with Swaziland, of being the only two countries that have no legislated, paid maternity leave. Seriously, think about it...pick a country.  Somalia?  14 weeks at 50% pay.  Azerbaijan? 126 days at 100% pay.  Myanmar? 12 weeks 66.7% pay.  Slovenia? 12 months at 100% pay.  The list goes on.  Pick a poor country, a rich country, a socialist country, a monarchy, a dictatorship, a democracy...they all have paid maternity leave.
• We have unpaid Family Medical Leave.  But only if your company has more than 50 employees within 75 miles.  And only if you aren't in the top 10% of employees by compensation.  And you and your husband have to share the 12 weeks if you work for the same company.  Pitiful.
• California, and a few other states, are steering the way toward paid maternity leave.  In California, employees can receive 55% of their weekly wages for up to 6 weeks per year (the maximum is $959 per week in 2009).  It is a start.
• Some other facts about parental leave:
  

• Having a baby is a leading cause of "poverty spells" in the U.S. -- when income dips below what's needed for basic living expenses.
• In the U.S., 49% of mothers cobble together paid leave following childbirth by using sick days, vacation days, disability leave, and maternity leave.
• 51% of new mothers lack any paid leave -- so some take unpaid leave, some quit, some even lose their jobs.
• Paid family leave has been shown to reduce infant mortality by as much as 20% (and the U.S. ranks a low 37th of all countries in infant mortality).

What Can I do?

• Visit MomsRising.org and read the Motherhood Manifesto.
• Give your Human Resources Department a copy of The Project for Global Working Families from the Harvard School of Public Health
• Write your State Legislature and ask them to support paid parental leave.  In Ohio, you can contact your State Assembly rep here.
  

TOOTH!

Aellyn cut a tooth.  Right central incisor.  She had her first ever stranger-anxiety tantrum yesterday.  It was so weird for her to get so upset and so hard to calm down.  She was drooling a little more and sticking her tongue out a bunch.  DH says "maybe she's getting a tooth" so I stuck my finger in my mouth and gasped when I felt something sharp!  I can't believe my tiny baby has a tooth.

Evil Baby

A Child in the Garden by Henry Van Dyke

When to the garden of untroubled thought
I came of late, and saw the open door,
And wished again to enter, and explore
The sweet, wild ways with stainless bloom inwrought,
And bowers of innocence with beauty fraught,
It seemed some purer voice must speak before
I dared to tread that garden loved of yore,
That Eden lost unknown and found unsought.

Then just within the gate I saw a child, --
A stranger-child, yet to my heart most dear;
He held his hands to me, and softly smiled
With eyes that knew no shade of sin or fear:
"Come in," he said, "and play awhile with me;"
"I am the little child you used to be."