Things that Mean "I Love You"

In my family there are many things we do and say that mean "I love you."  Even if my parents didn't intend it that way.  For example,

• Love means cutting a sandwich on the diagonal.  Cutting straight?  Heaven forbid, not cutting it?  Perish the thought.  Mom always cut on the diagonal.
• Love means underlining key phrases in greeting cards.  This is something my Mom does that I always do now too.  Like she'll underline Happy 3 times in Happy Birthday.  Even the long, poem type cards.  It makes you feel like she read the whole thing and really got it for you.
• My Dad says I love you by saying "Beaker Full" when we leave the house.  This is a bastardization of "Be careful" mispronounced.  Even though I don't say Beaker Full, saying "be careful" to DH before he leaves is just a way I say I love you.

What do you do that means "I love you."

My Brown Eyed Girl

An Open Letter to MotheringDotCommunity

Blog readers!  This letter is probably NOT going to be interesting to you but because I knew it would be deleted on the boards in question I posted it here.  


Dear Fellow MDC Mamas,

I am deeply concerned about recent events on this board. Namely the fact that the thread where we community members were voicing concern over the new signature guidelines was removed.

I have had my posts deleted and moved or threads closed in my time on Mothering. I didn't always agree with this but I know from experience that moderating a board of this size is very difficult and time consuming. Some rules need to be made and I'm ok with those rules not always being what I would agree with.

This includes the new signature guidelines. I, personally, find them overly restrictive and motivated by money. However, this too I can just sigh at and continue to enjoy the wonderful mamas I meet here.

This is different.

Removing the entire thread because it showed dissent is abominable. I understand that some posts were removed by abimommy because they were rude and insulting. That I understand. But, Georgia removing the entire thread is draconian and fascist.

I don't say that as a mere insult. It is in fact fascism of a sort. The Italian Doctrine of Fascism states:

Quote:

"The Fascist conception of the State is all-embracing; outside of it no human or spiritual values can exist, much less have value. Thus understood, Fascism is totalitarian, and the Fascist State—a synthesis and a unit inclusive of all values—interprets, develops, and potentiates the whole life of a people."

And Christopher Hitchens said

Quote:

"the urge to ban and censor books, silence dissenters, condemn outsiders, invade the private sphere, and invoke an exclusive salvation is the very essence of the totalitarian."

This is, in my opinion, diametricly opposed to the values Mothering states;

Quote:

Our discussions concern the real world of mothering and are first and foremost, for support, information, and community. Mothering invites you to read and participate in the discussions. In doing so we ask that you agree to respect and uphold the integrity of this community.

Squashing of even respectful dissent from members of the community does not display respect or integrity and severely erodes the term community.

I have been in great conflict with how I should proceed. I keep thinking of the wonderful people I've met here and the wonderful advice we all share. This amazing period of my life when I've brought a baby into the world will always be framed in the context of my relationships here. When I think of MotheringDotCommunity I think of YOU, my fellow members, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. We ARE THE COMMUNITY! Part of me wants to forget this over-arching dictatorship and enjoy our limited freedoms together. The other part of me though, believes that the only way for evil to prevail is for good mamas to stand by and do nothing. We have nothing if not our voice to stand up for what is right.

Censorship is not right. Intolerance of opposing views is not right. Social engineering through tight control of discussion is not only not right but has inspired many dystopian works of fiction (e.g. 1984 - shall we use newspeak to rewrite reality?). These are things that form the foundation of my values. The same values that make me a gentle, AP mother - freedom, respect for all life and our planet, and weighing each choice we make based on the impact it has on others. I thought MDC espoused these views but they do not.

In my contemplation of this letter I googled "mothering.com community and censorship" and was stunned by what I found.

This previous user's blog post still gets multiple hits/comments 2 and a 1/2 years later!

This blogger states; "I’ve seen MDC drift from a “fairness to all; tolerance to all; love to all” group to a “fairness, tolerance, and love to you as long as you believe exactly the way we’ve decided is the correct way to believe.”

I was also shocked to see her say "the admin team watches what you do online. It's very likely I will be permanently banned from the site for expressing myself like this in my own journal. Which is fine with me…….but just a warning. Big Sister is watching." If this is true then it is even more disturbing in the parallels to fascists regimes.

Even bloggers that I don't agree with on issues points out the sad fact that Mothering is squelching open discussion. And here and here. It isn't that I agree with these sites on the topics but I agree that MDC's reputation for restricting information is something I can't be a part of. This site normally makes me sooo mad with their attacks on non-vaxers but read this posts' comments. It is sad.

I know that I must make my life meet my convictions, else what is the point of convictions, even if it means missing friends here. I can no longer associate with an organization that actively works against my fundamental values. I can only spread the word and hope Mothering leadership rethinks their values.

I know that this post will be deleted, so I am making a screen shot and posting it on my website (I wish I had done that on the Signature discussion the other day) along with this letter: http://www.babydustdiaries.com. I also realize, obviously, that I will be banned from the boards. I'm thankful that my DDC is on Facebook so I can keep in touch with them and I'm also glad that the boards are open so I can still find good advice in the archives. I will however miss the camaraderie and interaction.

Please know that I don't blame anyone who stays on these boards. Each of us have to weigh the benefits of remaining and I respect each person's decision. Mine is to vote with my fingers...and post elsewhere.

Thanks for reading mamas and peace and happiness to all of you,
PaigeC.


Originally posted on MDC 6/24/09 at 8:51PM.  Deleted with the following email at 8:56PM the same day.

Paige, I am truly sorry--I see you have some very real concerns--but I couldn't leave this up on the boards, as it violates MDC's User Agreement. Please, contact an admin with your concerns and don't post them on the boards.

They are always this nice.  Such nice people but as a group they've lost their minds.  How does this happen to good people?

It Must Be Good: Barbie Says So!

Reading Parenting Magazine today (I got it for free for 2 years) I was disturbed by an article about research at the University of Pennsylvania showing that kids chose cereal with animated characters they knew regardless of how healthy they thought it was.  Here is a video from ABC news about the research.

The video doesn't bother me as much since the researcher clearly states that this doesn't neccessarily mean a good decision making process on the part of the kid.  Parenting, on the other hand, thinks this is the bees knees. "Looks like kids love their celebrity endoresements...why not take advantage," and then goes on to suggest products like Disney Garden Peeled Carrots with Low Fat Ranch Dip.

I find this horribly disturbing.  The agressive marketing to children is really corrupting their relationships with food among other horrors.  The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood states that, "Advertising sells children on more than products and brands.  It also promotes values and behaviors.  Childhood obesity, eating disorders, youth violence, sexualization, theerosion of children’s creative play, materialistic values, and family stress are all linked to the commercialization of childhood."

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Aellyn rolled over yesterday on her 4 month birthday! She hasn't repeated it and she didn't like it at all. She still hates to be on her belly so once she got there she was really mad! She does like to spend more time on a blanket on the floor. She can really move around twisting her legs to and fro. We are about to have a mobile baby!

I also got paid today. It was only a half paycheck but it does give some...purpose to leaving my daughter every day to work. Our savings for my maternity leave were getting woefully low (read: gone). And, in case you are wondering, no I didn't not have paid leave. The horrible state of parental leave in the US is a post in itself that I'll touch on some time.

Lastly, today I wanted to draw your attention to a great thing in the infertility blogging community (which I hope I can still consider myself a part of).  Resolve, the National Infertility Association held its Night of Hope at Tavern on the Green in NYC.  The night is meant to honor all those people and organizations that labor endlessly to help infertile couples build a family.  This year Melissa Ford of the ultimate infertility blog Stirrup Queen and Sperm Palace Jesters was awarded with the Hope Award.  I'm so thrilled by this since her blog is the hub of a very large and infinitely valuable support group of men and women blogging about their struggles with infertility.  She recently wrote Navigating the Land of IF a great book about the truth of living with infertility and how to find the help and support you need.

For Zoe: I Am a Butterfly and This is My Dream

“I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?”

Chuang Tzu quotes

Many many years ago I read a story that encompassed this quote and it struck me as a great way to reduce stress and center myself when I got frazzeled.  So, I wrote "I am a butterfly and this is my dream" on a small piece of paper and kept it in my wallet.  Whenever I got stressed I'd look at it.  Eventually I didn't even need to look at it - I just automatically took a deep breath and reminded myself I am a butterfly and this (whatever bad is happening) is just a dream.  I like the concept it isn't avoidance but just a reminder that whatever you are stressed about isn't who you are and it isn't what really matters.

Years later when I met my friend Zoe she saw the note in my purse.  I told her the story as I remembered it but I couldn't remember or find where I had gotten it from.  Well, Zoe, here is where it came from.

Chuang Tzu was a Taoist philosopher in 4th Century BCE China.  Although I believe he meant the parable as a question of what is reality it really does work as a way to focus on what matters.

Worried about a presentation at work?  Don't worry you are a butterfly and this is your dream.  It kid of frees you to just live in the moment and enjoy each experience.  It also reminds me that when I'm feeling down on myself, I'm still a beautiful being.

Try it.

Kindermusik

Look where I was one year ago!

And now, only 365 days later my beautiful girl learned to do this:

Tonight we had our first Kindermusik class.  It was so much fun and Aellyn loved it.  It is at 6pm and she goes to bed at 7 so I was afraid she'd be a fussy mess the whole time but she just loves when I sing to her.  We danced, she met other babies (she's the youngest), and...

she spit up into my open mouth!  lol.  I'm officially a parent, right dad?

She was exhausted!  Went to sleep before I even got her up to bed.

Complementary Feeding and Baby Led Weaning

I previously talked about the importance of waiting until 6 months to give your baby any solid foods.  So, once they hit that milestone, what do you feed them?

There are really two topics - 1) how does breastmilk play into the diet of a food-eating baby? and 2) what is the most natural way of eating for babies?

The first topic is called complementary feeding - meaning the period between exclusive breasfeeding and complete weaning.  The WHO details the nutritional needs of breastfed babies after age 6 months in their document Guiding Principles for Complementary Feeding of the Breastfed Child.  Breastmilk provides the majority of a baby's nutritional needs through 1 year.  According to KellyMom.com  breastfeeding should continue at the same level while solid foods are introduced and only begin to decline near or after the first birthday.  As you can see in the chart above solid food calories (complementary feeding) are first additional calories on top of the breastmilk calories and only later do they begin to provide a greater percentage of calories.

If introducing solid food is not primarily for nutrition or caloric energy, then why do we introduce solids during the last half of the first year?  For fun!  Just as babies put toys, feet, cell phones, etc. in their mouths to explore their world they will do the same thing with foods.  Anyone who has spoon fed a baby knows that most of the food does not end up in the belly.  Children at this age use food to explore taste and texture and to further hone their fine motor skills at getting the food into their mouths.

Continuing that train of thought: if the purpose of eating in the first year of life is not nutritional then what should baby eat.  "Baby food" - that is jars of puréed fruits and vegetables - have become the ubiquitous version of what babies should eat.  However, this convenience food is little over a century old.  In the mid-19th century artificial baby foods were created for sick children and were bought in pharmacies or given by doctors.  It wasn't until the 1920's that commercially marketed baby food was generally embraced as a convenience food.  Prepared baby food of this sort leaves much to be desired ; however, the method of feeding is just as counterintuitive upon inspection.  If babies explore the world with their hands and mouths...why are we feeding them with a spoon?

Aparently I wasn't the first to think this odd.  Gill Rapley, a UK nurse and UNICEF advisor,  first researched the concept of giving whole foods to babies as her Master's thesis where she coined the term Baby Led Weaning (BLW).

Sounds intimidating, strange, new-agey?  Another "weird-o" hippie parenting idea from Paige, right?  ;)  But, seriously give this one a second because it is really so obvious once we turn off the Gerber brainwashing.  The short of it is this:  
Skip purées.  Skip spoon feeding.  Give your baby food.  Let them eat.

Crazy right?

To me this seems to flow naturally from breastfeeding.  I feed Aellyn on cue when she wants to be fed.  I don't watch the clock or ration out her food - or try to get her to eat a certain amount.  Breastfeeding is purely baby-led.  She decides when and she decides how.  Why should that change when she starts getting solids?  And remember, since food is for fun and not nutrition in the first year, you don't have to painstakingly make sure baby gets x number of tablespoons down the gullet!

But babies can't eat food, you say!!!  Here are some highlights from the BLW basic guidelines from Gill:

But won't the baby choke? 
Many parents worry about babies choking. However, there is good reason to believe that babies are at less risk of choking if they are in control of what goes into their mouth than if they are spoon fed. This is because babies are not capable of intentionally moving food to the back of their throats until after they have developed the ability to chew. And they do not develop the ability to chew until after they have developed the ability to reach out and grab things. The ability to pick up very small things develops later still. Thus, a very young baby cannot easily put himself at risk because he cannot get small pieces of food into his mouth. Spoon feeding, by contrast, encourages the baby to suck the food straight to the back of his mouth, potentially making choking more likely.  
There is no need to cut food into mouth-sized pieces. Indeed, this will make it difficult for a young baby to handle. A good guide to the size and shape needed is the size of the baby's fist, with one important extra factor to bear in mind: Young babies cannot open their fist on purpose to release things. This means that they do best with food that is chip-shaped or has a built-in 'handle' (like the stalk of a piece of broccoli). They can then chew the bit that is sticking out of their fist and drop the rest later – usually while reaching for the next interesting-looking piece. As their skills improve, less food will be dropped.

There are many benefits of this method of baby feeding:

1. A baby that is developmentally able to grab, chew, and swallow is more likely to be developmentally able to digest the food.
2. Baby learns to eat as much or as little as he needs - as he did with breastfeeding.
3. Meals are not a battle to shove strained peas past pursed lips and hence babies can enjoy a better relationship with food that can lead to less pickiness later.
4. Since you aren't spoon feeding meals can be family time and baby will learn that eating is a social as well as biological experience.
5. BLW'd babies generally learn to use utensils sooner because they can experiment themselves.

What about cons/things to think about?

1. It is going to be messy.  But hey, you're cleaning up spit up, poop, etc. all day and your sister-in-law is going to buy those finger paints eventually so just go with it.
2. You still have to supervise eating.
3. You should still introduce one food at a time with days in between to look for food intolerances.  Also, obey allergen rules - like no cow's milk before 12 months.  Here is a good overview of an allergy friendly introduction to foods.

See it in action: 

And the photo gallery
To learn more get the book!

Breadwinning Mama

I just finished my first (short) week back to work.  Monday I was pretty sullen all day but by today I was feeling energized by talking to everyone (I'm an extreme ENFP!).  I love the joy of seeing Aellyn after a long day.  I get up at 4:30 AM to nurse and get to work by 6.  I'm NOT a morning person - but it is so worth it to get to spend the afternoon/evening with Aellyn.  She goes to bed at 7 PM so if I worked until 5 I'd hardly see her.

I'm pumping twice a day at work.  Most people do 3 but since I leave so early I'm using up some of that time when she is still sleeping.  I get 10 oz at 8am when I first pump and then 5-6 oz at a second pumping.  Great, since she is only eating 12oz while I'm gone.  So, I'm getting enough to freeze the left over.  Mooooo!

DH is doing great as a SAHD (see his take on it ) - he wakes with me in the morning and makes my lunch and dinner is waiting when I get home.  And...well...I'm sure the house cleaning will get ...ummm...better.   ;)

I'm reading The Daddy Shift: How Stay at Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family.  It really makes me feel like I'm part of a unique, modern trend which helps aleviate some of that mom guilt at not being the primary caregiver.  I'll review it once I'm finished

Unfortunately, Paige

Kathryn over at This n' That From the Mountain just blogged about a hilarious game and I had to try!

Instructions:
Go to Google and type: unfortunately [insert your name],   
Tell us what you find and blog about it or tell us in the comments below!

Here are some of mine:

• Unfortunately Paige's spell works too well -- and as result, no one on earth is dying, not even those whose time has come.
  
• Unfortunately Paige has been found in her office during many weekends, trying to catch up with her work.

Used to be true...not anymore with the baby waiting at home!

• Unfortunately, Paige did not get the lead part. However, producers liked him enough that they offered him a different role
  

"him" ???

• Unfortunately Paige's behavior was far from normal

Wow, Google is psychic!

• Unfortunately Paige breaks the cardinal rule of the con and falls in love, with a young bartender.
  
• Unfortunately Paige passed away in 1999
  

!!!!!

• Unfortunately Paige's underlying theoretical perspective--a synthesis of orthodox Marxism and rational choice theory--is somewhat reductionist.
  

LOL, what?

• Unfortunately Paige exhibits some too-stupid-to-live behavior towards the early portion of the book, not realizing the extent of the danger she is in.
  
• Unfortunately Paige was raised by an interfering mother who insists there is no such thing as love
  
• Unfortunately Paige's dysfunctional family is also not out of sight and out of mind
  

Wow, mom, harsh.

• Unfortunately, Paige dies when Vincent hurls a metal rod at her face.

lololol....omg, this is so funny!

What is unfortunate about you?

Officially a WOHM

Today was my first day back at work post-maternity leave.  It went really well.  I woke at 4:30 to nurse, out of bed by 5, to work by 6.  Pumped at 7:30 and 11:00 and got 12oz.  Aellyn and Daddy only needed 10 oz so I'm doing good!

I used the webcam to say hi once and of course I set up my digital frame so I could see her face all day.  Pumping was nice since I listened to my iPod and tried to think relaxing thoughts.  DH made pork roast and noodles for dinner - very good!  All in all it went really well and I'm so happy I don't have to worry about my baby while I work.

I am really not a morning person bur I got home by 3:30 which gave us a nice evening together (I have a 45 min. commute).  If I sleep in I pay the price in a hurried evening so I'm striving to be like my mother and become a morning person!  Wish me luck.

Wordless Wednesday: Oh Pretty Baby

Sometimes I just can't wait for Wednesday to come!