Spare the Rod? Does the Bible Promote Spanking? - Spank Out Day USA!

I've already written about Ezzo's parenting books .  However, he isn't the only Christian author telling us how to raise our kids in a punitive manner.  Tripp, Welchel, and the Pearls to name a few.  It seems that Christian-based books are much more likely to include "training" and physical punishment than secular parenting books.  Does the Bible want us to spank?

The verse oft cited to command corporal punishment is

"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24)

The word "rod" is translated from the Hebrew word shebet. A shebet is a shepherd's staff or a king's scepter, and it sybolizes authority.  A shebet was used to guide sheep and to protect them by fighting off predators - not to strike the sheep. Using the word shebet, God gives parents the authority and responsibility to discipline - a word meaning to teach - their children.

Conversely there are a myriad of verses in the New Testament that go against this aggressive and punitive parenting style (emphasis all mine):

"the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance. . . " (Gal. 5:22, 23b),

"Love is patient, love is kind" ( I Cor. 13 )

". . . we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children" (I Thess. 2:7)

"do to others what you would have them do to you" (Mat. 7:12), etc.

My favorite is Matthew 25: 41-46;

"'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'  He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'" (Mat 25: 41-46)

 Yes, we have a responsibility to teach our children and raise them in a Godly manner but we also have the example of grace, kindness, and gentleness that we should exhibit in all things.  You can raise your kids without CIO and spanking so, why wouldn't you?

---

Edited to add:  I didn't even realize I was writing this post to publish on this day, but PhD in Parenting points out that today is Spank Out Day USA !  The website has great resources on alternative discipline as well as a section on biblical punishment.

Swine Flu Humor

This is how you get the swine flu!

Wordless Wednesday: Future Librarian

Like her mama.

Boobs and Nipples, and Aureolas, Oh My! How to Act Around Breastfeeding

Dear Lucy, a "Dear Abby" etiquette column in the UK's The Guardian, recently had a question from a reader about how to act when someone breastfeeds  in front of you.

What is the etiquette for a man when a female friend starts to breast-feed her baby in front of him? Do you look away but continue talking? Do you look her directly in the eyes - and nowhere else? Do you share the moment with her by looking down at her baby whenever she does so? Or should you just make your excuses and leave the room?

 Her answer is adequately funny and does conclude that people should grow up and get a grip but she also uses some imagery that I think hurts the breastfeeding movement.  She states,

For (straight) men, boobs are primarily sexual objects. It is ridiculous to expect any heterosexual with a penis to be able suddenly to put aside however many decades of experience he has accrued in this associative field and treat the advent of real, live boobs before him - where habitually none was displayed before - as if it were an ordinary event.

While I will agree that in our culture boobs are primarily sexual objects for men and women I disagree that it is ridiculous to expect a grown man to act like an adult.  I think we discredit many men who are capable of discernment between the sexual breast and the functional.  Would these same men of which Lucy speaks avert their eyes or giggle and salivate over boobs exposed during a defibrillator rescue?  If I were a guy this assumption that I can only think with my penis would be insulting.

So, how do you act around a breastfeeding woman?  I think there are a few things to remember.  First, if you are uncomfortable that is your problem.  Admit it and choose to act like an adult.  Second, think of how you would act with any other uncomfortable situation.  Have you ever talked to someone with a deformity?  You can be rude by refusing to look at someone just as much as by staring.  You tell yourself look past the difference and talk to the person.  Of course, I'm not comparing feeding a baby to a deformity!  Just the feeling of discomfort it might create.

I honestly don't think it is necessary to avert your eyes from the baby and the breast.  It is normal to look at a baby!  If a woman wanted no breast visible she would use a cover.  If she isn't using a cover then she isn't (or shouldn't) freak out if you glance down at the babe.  Of course you could probably glance down in a licentious way and piss her off - but then you better go get some serious therapy.  At the same time remember where her eyes are when you speak to her.  Didn't your mom ever tell you that staring is rude?

Do you have a question?  Want to know if it hurts or something? Ask.  You are in a conversation so I'm assuming you are an acquaintance.  She isn't going to be offended at your natural curiosity.  We are aware that breastfeeding is all too rarely seen in our culture.  We would be happy to answer your questions.  I also don't mind noticing that someone is mildly uncomfortable as long as they are attempting to accommodate me.

What about if your child sees me in a restaurant and says "mommy, I see that woman's boobie!"?  This is often one of the arguments for why I should cover myself.  How about explaining to the child that some babies drink from bottles and others drink from their mommy's breasts.  It isn't sameful - it is nature.  This is an opportunity to learn something.  If you act like it is shameful then your child will feel that way too.  Raise your boys to be a new generation that won't balk at the breast.

My father is a perfect example of a man who gets this.  He is from the baby boomer generation where breastfeeding was rarely done (unless you were living in a hippie commune).  I don't even know how many women he has seen breastfeed and add to this the fact that I'm his daughter.  He could act all uncomfortable but he doesn't.  If he turned the other way, left the room, or wouldn't look at me it would make me feel shameful.  He continues talking to me, glances at his granddaughter, and generally is ok with it.  I think it helps that he knows the benefit his granddaughter is getting from breastfeeding and sees that this is something our society lost and is need of again.

One of the reasons I refuse to hide when I breastfeed is just for this reason.  When more women come out of the shadows and show that breastfeeding is not shameful but normal, natural, and beautiful then we won't be asking "How do I act?"

Swine Flu Perspectives

I think that time will tell about this newest swine flu problem.  I know everyone is getting the information that the mainstream media is reporting but I wanted to offer some alternate views.  Most of all don't believe anyone that tells you a flu vaccine will protect you from this new strain.

Swine Flu Outbreak -- Nature Biting Back at Industrial Animal Production?


Swine Flu: A Cause for Panic?


Swine Flu in Mexico: The "New" Bird Flu 

Tagged! 8 meme

Alexis over at Where He Leads Me, I will Follow... tagged me!  Here goes (usual rules)


Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. My first mother's day
2. Being out of debt
3. Taking a vacation with DH and DD
4. My dad feeling better
5. My sister going back to college
6. The new Star Trek movie!
7. Finishing my bathroom redesign
8. Bringing home at least one of my snowflakes with a successful FET

Eight Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Ripped wallpaper down in my bathroom
2. Talked to mom and dad on the webcam
3. Changed a kajillion diapers
4. Stared with amazement at my baby girl
5. Wrote a fiery blog post
6. Leaked breastmilk all over my shirt
7. Found a new message board for Attachment Parenting Christian mamas: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com 
8. Used that power screwdriver thing that DH tells me is called a "drill" despite the fact we don't use it to drill

Eight Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Be an at home mom
2. Have 3 more kids
3. Have enough money for my parents to retire
4. Fly to San Francisco just for lunch at the Beach Chalet (right, Mandi?)
5. Fly
6. Go to Greece
7. Go to Scotland
8. Go back to sleep

Eight Shows I Watch:

1. Law and Order
2. Law and Order: SVU
3. Law and Order: CI
4. What Not to Wear
5. Iron Chef
6. Daily Show
7. Colbert Report
8. Divine Design

Eight People I Tag:

1. J. at http://shamrocksandpemmican.blogspot.com/  for the great comment the other day
   
2. Mom who doesn't have a blog (yet) - so do it in a comment
   
3. Mandi - ditto
   
4. Mama Notes for her great post on Breastfeeding and the economy
   
5. Kathryn at  This and That from the Mountain for her beautiful pictures
   
6. Faith at Keeping the Faith for having the middle name Aellyn!
   
7. Sunnymama for her inspirational post How are the children?
   
8. Nadia who inspires me with her recipies and also blogs here 

My First Rude Comment!

I've been waiting and the day has finally arrived!  I got a rude comment on my post about Herd Immunity.  I always wondered what I'd do when I got one.  Delete it?  Respond?  I've decided to make a whole post out of it!  So let's dissect this gem.

Here's the comment:

Anonymous said...

you're an idiot. tetanus is not contagious (communicable) and therefore doesn't fall under category of vaccinations that would confer herd immunity so that renders your argument invalid. you get vaccinated against tetanus to prevent from uhhh getting tetanus? tetanus occurs almost exclusively in individuals who aren't vaccinated against it or are inadequately immunized and so it's totally preventable. the figure 2.1% that you cited---probably such a low figure given that tetanus vaccination requires a booster every 10 years for one to be considered immunized. not immunizing your child is truly a selfish act and you are doing your child and our community a disservice. try to educate yourself a bit more hun.

First why is it always that people who spout rude things do it anonymously?  Wow, coward much?  Clearly not interested in a true debate of the issue.  Hiding behind anonymity.

you're an idiot.

Wow, inspired.

tetanus is not contagious (communicable) and therefore doesn't fall under category of vaccinations that would confer herd immunity so that renders your argument invalid. you get vaccinated against tetanus to prevent from uhhh getting tetanus?

True, tetanus is not contagious.  As I discussed previously , tetanus is bacterium found in soil that can release a toxin in deep wounds.  Anonymous is also right that tetanus can not confer herd immunity.  However, in my post I never even mention tetanus in my discussion of herd immunity.  I guess Anonymous didn't read the post or is unaware that DTaP does not just have tetanus in it?

tetanus occurs almost exclusively in individuals who aren't vaccinated against it or are inadequately immunized and so it's totally preventable. the figure 2.1% that you cited---probably such a low figure given that tetanus vaccination requires a booster every 10 years for one to be considered immunized.

This is also true considering that tetanus is most prevalent in developing countries without access to the vaccine.  Once again, since my post was not discussing tetanus the figure 2.1% which I cited from the CDC was most relevant with respect to Pertussis and Diptheria - which are communicable.

not immunizing your child is truly a selfish act and you are doing your child and our community a disservice.

 I can't really argue with the fist half of this statement.  Parenting is selfish.  I will gladly admit that I think the best interest of my child is paramount.  But, I love that last part that I'm doing a disservice to my community.  Um, did they just say that tetanus is NOT communicable?  So, how could I possibly be hurting the community?  The logic just completely fails here.

Also, as mentioned previously, according to the CDC there have been 2 cases of tetanus in children under 5 since 1989.  I'm taking such a huge risk!  Honestly, the T in DTaP is almost irrelevant to the discussion of childhood vaccination (hence the fact that my post was not about tetanus at all).

try to educate yourself a bit more hun.

Oooo, we're lovers now, hun.  I think I'll pass on taking pedagological advice from someone who couldn't see past the "T" in DTaP.

Anonymous, thank you for further reinforcing my conviction about the vaccine culture we live in.  Feel free to go about your business, which I can only assume is watching Fox News all day.

The Worst Onesie Ever!

A friend gave us some baby clothes and it included this onesie.  Of course we are so grateful for the beautiful clothes and I'm sure this is no reflection of her thoughts on parenting. I think it is pretty clearly a freebie handed out by a gynecologists office, the maternity ward at a hospital, or (heaven forbid) from an I-know-you're-breastfeeding-but-here-are-some-formula-samples-"just-in-case" package.

But yes, North American babies are among the only humans, or primates for that matter, that need to sleep alone in a cage-like bed.  *rolls eyes*

Don't you think that using marketing propaganda to talk about how to sleep safely in a crib OR a family bed would be better.  When the young mother who doesn't know better takes her infant to bed with her out of exhaustion she'll have no idea how to make it safe.  After all, it is likely to happen.  According to a recent study the bed-sharing rates were 42% at 2 weeks, 34% at 3 months, and 27% at 12 months.

FIve for Friday: 5 Infant Terms that Sound Like Rock Bands

In college we would sit around and come up with crazy band names (my favorite was Emotional Taco).  It became the comeback du jur - "well, that would make a good band name."  Band names can never be too crazy.  So here are 5 for your humor this Friday.  The links tell you what they are if you are unfamiliar with these infant/pregnancy terms!

1. The Fontanelles 
2. Nuchal Fold Five
3. Vernix 
4. Montgomery Tubercles 
5. The PKU s

Wordless Wednesday: Just Ducky!

Acronym of the Week: WOHM, WAHM, SAHM, SAHD

Bonus - 4 acronyms for the price of one!

WOHM - work outside the home mom
WAHM - work at home mom
SAHM - stay at home mom
SAHD - stay at home dad

Strangely, I've never seen a WOHD!

I only have 6 weeks of maternity leave left so I guess it is time to start talking about this; the good and the bad.  I'm going to be a WOHM and I have to admit it isn't my ideal choice.  I kind of feel like this is an extra punch that infertility gave me and it really pisses me off.

You see, like many women who can't get pregnant, I played the "bargain with God" game.  You know, where you think you aren't getting pregnant because God thinks you need to accomplish x before you have kids.  So, I spent many years filling in the x.  It kind of went like this:

1. Maybe God wants us to get out of the military first?  = no baby
   
2. Maybe God wants DH to get his college degree? = no baby
   
3. Maybe God wants us to move back home to Ohio? = no baby
   
4. Maybe God wants me to go to graduate school? = no baby
   
5. Ok, maybe a second masters degree? = no baby
   
6. Maybe we need to buy a house? = no baby

Of course then we realized we needed God and some modern medicine to bring us our beautiful daughter.  Don't get me wrong, I really think waiting so long to have a baby and the ups and downs of infertility will make us better parents (and a better marriage).  The down side is I now have 4 college degrees and a pretty darn good job to go with them.  When we started the game DH was a much higher earner than I was even though I had my bachelor degree in education.  It would have been perfect for me to stay home.

I once asked my mom "didn't you want to be anything?" (sorry mom).  At about age 17 I started researching homeschooling and realized it was what I wanted to do.  Needless to say I began to realize that my mom did something amazing and I wanted to do it too.

Now I am the primary earner and it only makes sense for me to work to support our new family.  I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit this makes me want to cry.  I want to mother full time.  I want to bake, garden, build things, read, hug, kiss, sing, and love my baby ALL DAY.  I don't want to let someone else do it!  I don't want to come home tired and get a few hours before bed time to spend with my baby.  I want to be a housewife to my husband.  Frankly, since we've both worked I'm not exactly the paragon of domestic cleanliness.  But, that doesn't mean I can't be.  I want to love my family by cooking nutritious meals and keeping a clean and orderly house.  I want.  I want. I want.

The thing is that game I was playing with God?  He wasn't playing with me.  This was his plan all along.  He has brought me here and I certainly can't complain!  Look what he's given me:

• a strong marriage
  
• a wonderful family nearby
• a nice house (especially in this market!)
  
• a good paying job
  
• a rewarding career
  
• a beautiful baby daughter!

Do I want to give it all back to have what I want?  Of course not.  I just need to adjust my attitude.  It has been a long process and I still have bad days.  I figure putting it down in writing will help me along the way.  I have no right to be feeling sorry for myself - I have it great.

1. I have a fricking job - in this recession?  I'm darn lucky.  The news said that 300 people lined up for a single opening for a janitorial job at a middle school.  Wow, if people are clamoring for a crap job like that then the job market is bad, yes?  I have a decent paying job with relative job security.
2. I honestly like my job - The reason I kept going to college (again and again and again!) was I didn't want a "job" I had to go to but hate every day.  I wanted a career - a calling - and I wasn't going to quit till I found it.  I started with a B.S. in Physics because I love science but I didn't really want to work in a lab.  So, I got a B.A.Ed in Science Education and taught for a while.  I loved the kids but hated the bureaucracy.  Back to college!  I realized it was the learning I liked and what job lets you learn every day?  Librarianship!  I got my MLIS and enhanced it with an MS in Information Architecture and Knowledge Management (holy mouth full batman!).  These two things gave me a unique skill in the world of human/computer interaction.  It got even better - I landed a job at NASA so I get to combine my love of information/learning with my original love - science.  It is honestly an exciting place to work.  I get to learn about terramechanics one day and nuclear propulsion the next.  I work in an atmosphere where I am trusted as an expert in my field and given a lot of freedom to create the vision and direction for information services.  For the most part, I work with people I like (with one soul-sucking exception).  The government has tons of red tape that makes you want to bang your head against a really hard but super light aerospace material.  But, I also have the joy of working for a "cause" instead of a bottom line which appeals to me.  All in all I'm really very lucky.  I achieved my goal of finding a calling instead of a job.
3. I am a strong, highly educated working woman!  Hear me roar!  This will be an amazing example for my daughter.  Growing up with a SAHM was so amazing (we came home from school to prepared snacks like apples cut into shapes) that it is easy to think that is the only way to be a good mom.  I realize this isn't true.  I can be a good mom without being home all day and add the benefit of Aellyn realizing she can be anything she wants to be.
4. I am extremely fortunate to have a husband willing and eager to be a SAHD.  That is a real man!  My misgivings about not staying home have nothing to do with the alternative.  Pete will be an awesome SAHD!  And how beneficial is that for Aellyn?  How often do little girls get to have such a close relationship with their daddy?  I get the amazing gift of not having to worry all day about if my daughter is being loved.  I know daycare is a necessity for many families but there are so many bad situations out there and even good situations can't give your child the attention that you would.  I think this is especially true for attachment parented kids.  I've worked in daycare and even with the best ratios babies are left to cry for a while.  They just have to be.  When I go to work on June 1st I'm going to cry like a baby but it won't be because I'm afraid my baby won't be well cared for.

Hmmm, maybe God knew what he was doing?  I will strive to embrace my reality and count my blessings.  

In the meantime, an ode to SAHDs!  Dedicated to my wonderful husband, father of my baby girl, and forever my sweetheart.

New Blog Design

I can't explain why but I like to change up my blog frequently.  Maybe that's why I have a new hair color every few months?

Land of the Free? Someone Forgot to Tell 1/2 of These People

There is a thread on a very popular parenting message board entitled "Should non-vaccinated kids be allowed to attend public school? "

I couldn't even believe the question but I was certainly not prepared for the results of the poll.   Yes, 53% of respondents thought that children whose parents conscientiously object to vaccination should be banned from attending public schools.  I will avoid the obvious problem this addresses about public school in the first place (these people are greatly lacking in an American History or Government education with their blatant lack of understanding of important concepts like "individual freedom," "religious liberty," and "public education.").  The bigger problem is the lack of understanding about vaccines and the diseases they are meant to prevent.

On a positive note, many of the comments on the thread are in favor of freedom of choice to vax (and yet the poll tips the other way - did the "no" people not have anything intelligent to say?).  But, there are plenty of stupid comments like "you have the right to freely practice your religion, but that right stops where my child's right to a safe school environment begins."

If you need a refresher on how non-vaccinated kids are not a threat to vaccinated kids...read this post.  I don't judge people who choose to vaccinate but I whole heartedly believe in the freedom of choice in parenting (which applies to more than medical care, homeschooling for example).  If we don't have the freedom of deciding what goes into our (or our childrens') bodies then what freedom do we have?

The Elusive Smile! Bestill My Heart

Five for Friday: Guilty Pleasures

Guilty pleasures.  You know those things you love to do but you don't want to let anyone know you do.  Have you sworn your DH to secrecy?  Does he even know?  What do you do that you wouldn't put on your Facebook or MySpace pages?


Here are mine:

1. Mmmmm Bop by Hanson - I simply love this song.  Yes, they actually used this song in a SNL skit as torture but I find it infinitely upbeat.  I play is when I'm home alone and dance like a mad woman.
2. Cream Cheese Icing on pretzels - In our society liking icing on cake is allowed.  Eating it like a starving woman straight from the tub using a pretzel as a scoop and as a smoke screen to avoid scooping out with your hand - not so acceptable.
3. Wife Swap - Ok, I generally don't like reality TV (see #4) and of all the shows this one is a gory crime scene of human drivel.  I. Can't. Stop. Watching. It.  They always pick families on the "fringe" - uptight drill sergeant dad vs hippie mom that is cultivating the ability to eat only sunshine (no kidding, this was an actual episode) - and these people, who apparently signed up for this experience exibit no willingness to be part of the process.  They are downright uncivil to the person they have agreed to have in their home and completely unwilling to suspend for ONE WEEK their way of life to open their mind to other possibilities.  Does the sign up for this game require this?  "By signing below you agree to be pigheaded, rude, and completely unwilling to experience anything outside of your normal routine.  Making friends or or being civil voids this contract."
4. America's Next Top Model - Sorry, I have no excuse.  It is like watching a makeover show every week.  I like it for the makeup and hair and clothes.  I hang my shallow, girly head in shame.
5. World of Warcraft - Yes, in my other (MMORPG) life I'm an l33t blood elf rogue valiantly fighting the scourge for the dominion of Azeroth.  ZOMG!  Consider yourself PWN3D!  For the Horde!!
6. Bonus #6:  As a good feminist I hate products that market by exploiting women.  I avoid using those products and services.  Usually.  But damn if Hooters doesn't have the best wings on the planet.  Half-nude waitresses and lecherous patrons be damned.  Don't tell NOW!

Ezzo's Babywise - Yes, your children too can be respectful, obedient automatons

I've been planning for a while to post about Babwise - a series of books by Gary Ezzo that uses biblical teachings to recommend a parenting style guaranteed to create obedient children.  I honestly just got so pissed trying to write something I decided to give up.  Following these parenting guidelines is criminal in my opinion.  And don't tell me "it works!"  Lots of things "work."  Beating your kids with a belt will "make them listen" - that doesn't make it right.  Parenting isn't about what works today - it is about what works to make your child flourish into a well-rounded adult.

There is plenty of information about the damage that Babywise methods can do.  I think some people (and even some churches) hand this book out with good intentions.  If you have been given this book PLEASE DO SOME RESEARCH FIRST.  The long-term damage to your child is not worth the unquestioning sycophants that this method will produce.

Where to start:

• Babywise recommends scheduled "parent-centered" feeding which has been tied to dehydration and failure to thrive .
  
• To Ezzo crying, even in a 2 month old, is a child manipulating you and you should resist.  Allowing an infant to cry for an hour or more when waiting for the "next" scheduled feeding.  What really makes me mad about this (besides the obvious neglectfulness in the face of research to the contrary) is the way he manipulates the bible to support it:  "Praise God that the Father did not intervene when His Son cried out on the cross (Mt. 27:46). If He had stopped the process, there would be no redemption for us today."  Speechless.  I think I'm going to throw up.
• He recommends "biblical chastisement" with a ... not kidding here ... a "biblical rod." Described as being a wide strip of rubber tubing, a thin razor strap, or a large hot glue gun glue stick.  He starts this at 18 months.  People, if you are going to Home Depot to buy a device specifically to beat your toddler - I don't care how softly - you are being abusive.
• And don't think this is a little pat on the hand - Ezzo defines his chastisement as "inflicting pain with controlled force to amend an inner attitude."  The rod is described as "a somewhat flexible instrument (that) stings without inflicting bone or muscle damage…if there is no pain, then the instrument is probably too light or too flexible."  At what point does your parenting decisions begin to include discussions of bone or muscle damage?  I'm against spanking but I thought that those who are for it used it to "get attention" or even "scare" not specifically to inflict pain.  *gag*

Are you throwing up yet?

If you try this I'm sure your children will be obedient as they flinch from your touch and rarely smile.  Before you consider this method of abuse parenting - please read everything at this site.

Edited to add:  Quotes are from Ezzo's book Growing Kids God's Way.  Babywise is the title of two of his books and is generally used to describe this parenting style.

Wordless Wednesday: Lounging Princess on Easter

I Got My Moby Wrap!

I love it!  It is soooo comfortable and distributes the weight so evenly across my shoulders and back that it doesn't leave any pressure points like the sling did.   I know it looks daunting - all that material and those weird wrapping instructions - but it is a lot easier than it looks and it feels really secure.  I can get a lot done around the house with it on and Aellyn loves it.  She has such good head control for her age I might face her forward.

Attachment Parenting vs. The Car Seat

It is common parenting knowledge (by word of mouth and almost every childcare book) that a fussy baby will go to sleep if you take them for a drive in the car.  The motion and noise of the car are soothing and baby drops off to slumber land.

yeah right.

I know this is not my experience and I'm wondering if other AP parents have experiences similar to mine.  The car seat, for a child parented with AP principles, is a torture device.  The one time that due to state law she can't be nursed, held, or comforted by mommy.  She can't even see mommy.  Consequently she is not a fan of the car seat.  I have had to pull over to change a diaper.  I've ridden in the back seat with her to give her a little visual and tactile comfort.  She still looks at me like "why aren't you holding me?"  Do your AP'd kids like the car seat?

Of course, this nuisance bothers me but also makes me feel more sure of attachment parenting practices.  My daughter is so securely attached and has had her needs met consistently which leads her to not understand this bizarre car experience.  Clearly primate infant care was not designed for forced separation in a vehicle.

The best part?  She is so happy to see me at the end of the trip!

Vaccine Debate: Herd Immunity Fallacy

Momversation.com currently has a discussion about vaccinations.   Here is the original video and my response.

I agree that there is no evidence currently that vaccinations cause autsim. I also wouldn't vaccinate my child for any reason.

Autism seems to always been seen as the reason parents don't vaccinate and I can tell you that, for me, it couldn't be farther from the truth. The multitude of other reactions (Guillain-Barré, SIDS, Juvenile Diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, anaphylactic shock, death, etc.) had a much larger impact on me. Also, I'm not inherently distrustful of the medical industry (I conceived through IVF so I LOVE modern medicine!) but when they are pushing a HepB vaccine on a 12 hour old infant their motives become suspect.

It is frustrating to me that the vaccine debate swirls around Autism, MMR, and Jenny McCarthy. It is like this is a *new* problem! Have we forgotten Barbara Loe Fisher and her fight to get DTP off the market? It was killing kids and causing developmental disabilities in others and they've since changed it (to DTaP, the "a" being acelular). For some reason the media loves the Autism link - perhaps because it is so pervasive and not understood disorder? Regardless, it is the least of the problems with vaccines - so please research beyond Autism when you are exploring vaccines.

I also wanted to point out a major flaw in the panelists discussion of non-vaxers. There is this persistent idea that vaccinating is a societal obligation and moral imperative. This theory stems from the thought that non-vaccinated children are relying on the "herd" to protect them from illness. Also, since some people can't get vaccines for medical reasons that non-vaccinated children are posing a threat to them. There are several major flaws with this idea. the largest of which is children are only a minority of the human "herd" - what about the adult population that harbor NO IMMUNITY to illnesses because they have waned from vaccines and were never developed naturally through illness. Even the CDC shows grave numbers for adult vaccination.http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/14/vaccinations-for-grown-ups/

"only 2.1 percent of adults ages 18 to 64 are immunized against tetanus, diphtheria and whooping cough, the journal reports. A vaccine against shingles is recommended for all adults over 60, but only 1.9 percent of adults have been immunized."

How can the non-vaccinated children be responsible for the lack of eradication of these vaccine available diseases? If herd immunity requires 70-90% immunity levels, how can we pretend to have herd immunity?

Second, if you believe that vaccine's work, why are you worried about your vaccinated child? This doesn't apply to those too young to be vaccinated and those who can not - however I've heard parents of vaccinated kids blame the non-vaccinated kids. Why aren't they upset at the medical community because their vaccine didn't work?

Lastly, read up on what vaccines actually do. Many don't prevent transmission of an disease but decrease the severity of the illness. Whooping Cough, for example, does not stop transmission. That means your vaccinated child can have the pathogen and pass it to others but may not have any symptoms or very light symptoms. If a baby or immuno-compromised person gets Pertussis how do we know it is a non-vaccinated person's fault? Once again, why aren't we railing at the medical community that these vaccines aren't living up to their *miracle status*?

I respect anyone's decision to vaccinate or not vaccinate. Trust me, thinking that my child would be the one that got HepB from some freak accident and died kept me up late at night! It isn't an easy decision but let's protect everyone's right to make an informed decision.

Please use Tylenol with extreme caution

Do you ever find it overwhelming being a parent?  I don't mean just the baby crying while the dishes and laundry pile up overwhelming.  There is that.  What I mean is the overwhelming responsibility of making the best decisions for your children.  There are always conflicting opinions on topics and you feel like you need a PhD to raise a baby.  This is one of the reasons I like Mothering.com's forums.  I can hear topics I might not have stumbled across before.  Other, like minded mamas, do research on a myriad of different issues.  Of course, you have to do your own searching to make an informed decision but working outward from someone else's information is a great way to start.


With that in mind I was recently disturbed by some information about a common drug we all take and probably give to our little ones.  J_Mac has given me permission to re-post her information here for your information.  I believe her research is wonderfully presented in the context of her own search for her son's health.


We would like to think that we give tylenol because it was conclusively found to be safer for children than aspirin, right?  A deeper look might be very eye opening.

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Please read carefully, because this is very long, but very important:

I'm going to start off by saying outright that I strongly believe that Tylenol is behind the rise of not only autism, but the other childhood "A" disorders, including asthma, allergies and ADHD.

It's only a very strong hunch, but after countless hours researching this issue, all signs point right back at Tylenol.

A few months ago, my 14 year old autistic son began exhibiting extremely aggressive behaviors. They coincided around the time we started working with a behavioral analyst who would give him skittles as a reinforcer. Over a period of about 5 days, he had ingested quite a few of these. (Ordinarily, I don't let him have very much of that sort of thing, but his behavioral analyst made it clear that we needed to have some sort of "reward" for him.) Over that 5 day period, he became very agitated, waking during the night, and just constantly wandering throught the house, acting very strangely. He attacked me, pulling my hair, and biting me. He also engaged in self-injurious behavior, hitting his head with whatever was close by, and lying down on the floor, violently banging his head into it. His behavioral analyst was at my house during one of these attacks, and we both agreed that this was very strange, and she thought maybe he was acting out because he was in pain. I gave him some Tylenol that evening, and took him to his pediatrician the next morning, to have her look him over. She couldn't find anything obviously wrong with him, other than his throat appearing a little red. I mentioned that his behavioral analyst had recently gotten over strep throat, and maybe he had been exposed. He wouldn't allow her to get a throat culture, so she gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and some Tylenol #3 and instructed me to give this to him for a couple of days to see if pain really was the problem. After a couple of days of round the clock dosing with the antibiotic and Tylenol #3, there was absolutely no improvement in behaviors, so I discontinued both and started researching online. I came across the Southampton study wrt food dyes/sodium benzoate.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukne...additives.html

This made perfect sense to me, since the behaviors had started within days of the skittles. So, I eliminated everything in my house that contained FD&C food colorings, and over a period of a few days, the behaviors went away, and didn't return for about 3 weeks.

The behaviors slowly started coming back though, which led me to trying the Feingold diet, (the ADHD diet) and we had a few weeks of good behavior, but there were still times that I felt he was reacting to certain foods, because I was noticing his ears turning red, and he seemed headachey, (rubbing his head a lot). Tylenol is the only OTC pain med approved on Feingold, so each time he had these red ear/headachey episodes, I would give him a dose.

We eventually got to a point where he seemed to be reacting to everything he ingested. His behaviors were becoming out of control again, and he even ended up in the state hospital on 3 separate occasions over a 2 month period, due to his self-injurious and aggressive outbursts. I wasn't getting anywhere with any of the doctors that saw him up to this point, so a googling I went again, and found this:

http://www.newtreatments.org/Sulfur/...photransferase

Dr. Rosemary Waring's research shows that the lack of sulfate is the primary problem in 73% of these children (another study found low levels in 92%), but all of those Waring checked had a low PST level too. Similar sulfate deficiencies have been reported in people with migraine, rheumatoid arthritis, jaundice, and other allergic conditions all of which are anecdotally reported as common in the families of people with autism. Adequate sulfoxidation requires adequate supplies of B-vitamins, especially vitamin B6. The PST enzymes are inhibited or overloaded by chocolate, bananas, orange juice, vanillin, and food colorants such as tartrazine. Removal of these from the diet and supplementation of sulfates may well relieve all these symptoms. The lack of sulfation could well be due to the largely carbohydrate diet of most of these children. It is likely a combination of all these things. In any case, toxic compounds of these aforementioned chemicals can build to dangerous levels. A high value for the tIAG (?) as well as a high reading for DHPPA (rather HPHPA-a phenolic metabolite of tyrosine) both indicate a PST problem.

I read with horror this paragraph:

"Since sulfur intake is low, and its oxidation is slow in many autistic children, sulfate is low, and PST activity is slower than it would be otherwise. It would seem that this sub optimality of sulphotransferase activity is a function of low plasma sulfate levels rather than of deficits in the actual enzyme. Cellular level enzymatic effects of mercury's binding with proteins include blockage of sulfur oxidation processes and of the neurotransmitter amino acids. These have been found to be significant factors in many autistics. Thus, mercury, and any foodstuff that requires or uses up sulfate ions during its metabolism, will make the situation worse. These foodstuffs include foods that supply neurotransmitters, like bananas (serotonin), chocolate (phenylethylamine), and cheese (tyramine), apple juice (and one mother reports her child drank a quart a day!), citrus fruit juices, and paracetamol (Tylenol™). For instance, one or two minutes after a dose of Tylenol™, the entire supply of sulfate in the liver is gone!"

I couldn't believe it, because I had indeed given him Tylenol multiple times, and this explained why he was reacting to everything, in addition to craving foods like bananas and apples!

After the second admission, I contacted Thoughtful House in Austin for help. The psychiatrists that were seeing him were of absolutely no help. They insisted that this was a hormonal change, and that boys with autism act this way when they hit puberty, and my only options were to medicate him or institutionalize him. This was unacceptable. I knew there was more to it, and so did the staff at Thoughtful House. It's a long story, but he is doing better now as a result of the elemental diet they placed him on.

While at the local hospital, awaiting transfer to the state hospital, a news story came on about a link between Tylenol and asthma. I was intrigued, but didn't have time to study it too closely at that time. After my son was discharged from the hospital, and seemed to be doing better, I was able to devote more time to this Tylenol issue.

I found the story about the link between prenatal Tylenol use and asthma, and went to pubmed, to see if I could find the original study. To my surprise, I found SEVERAL studies, going back almost TEN years that show a link to Tylenol and asthma and allergies. I was stunned.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

A growing number of studies show that regular use of acetaminophen (paracetamol) carries a dose-dependent risk of developing allergies in general and asthma in particular and of worsening other respiratory diseases and lung function. The most disturbing finding has come from the population-based Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children, in which use of paracetamol-but not aspirin-in late pregnancy was positively associated with asthma when comparing children whose mothers took paracetamol "sometimes" and "most days/daily" with those whose mothers never took it. Assuming a causal relationship, the percentage of asthma attributable to paracetamol use in late pregnancy was 7%. In this review, we present data from the most important studies published since 2000. Although the pathophysiology remains unclear, the available data justify a warning to the general public that the uncritical use of over-the-counter acetaminophen can lead to the development of allergies and asthma, even in utero.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

The prevalence of asthma has increased worldwide. The reasons for this rise remain unclear. Various studies have reported an association between acetaminophen, a widely used analgesic, and diagnosed asthma. In a prospective cohort study, the rate of newly diagnosed asthma was 63% higher among frequent acetaminophen users than nonusers in multivariate analyses. Studies of patients with asthma suggest that acetaminophen challenge can precipitate a decline in FEV(1) > 15% among sensitive individuals. This article reviews the existing literature and evaluates the epidemiologic and pathophysiologic evidence underlying a possible link between acetaminophen and asthma.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

INTRODUCTION: A link between regular paracetamol intake and asthma in adults has recently been postulated. Detoxification of paracetamol may deplete stores of glutathione, which is one of the major antioxidants present in the lung. A reduced source of glutathione in the lung may lead to increased oxidative damage to the epithelium and hence increased frequency and severity of asthma attacks in susceptible individuals. AIM OF STUDY: This study aimed to determine whether regular intake of maximum therapeutic doses of paracetamol reduced serum antioxidant capacity in healthy volunteers. METHODS: Fifteen young healthy volunteers (nine men, six women, mean age 21.3 years, range 19-32) took maximum therapeutic doses of paracetamol (1 g four times a day) for 14 days. On days 0 and 14 blood samples were taken at baseline and hourly for a period of 4 h following ingestion of 1 g paracetamol. Single venous blood samples were collected 1 h after ingestion of 1 g paracetamol on days 4, 7 and 10. Blood samples were analysed for serum paracetamol concentration and total antioxidant capacity. RESULTS: Mean total antioxidant capacity was significantly reduced over the 3-h post-dosing on both days 0 and 14 (P < 0.01). The results from days 4, 7 and 10 showed a trend towards reduced antioxidant activity over time. On day 14 values were consistently lower compared with the corresponding times on day 0 (P < 0.01 at 0, 1, 3 and 4 h, P < 0.05 at 2 h). CONCLUSIONS: Chronic ingestion of maximum therapeutic doses of paracetamol depletes serum antioxidant capacity in healthy volunteers in as few as 14 days, possibly by a reduction in glutathione. This may have implications for analgesic use in asthmatic individuals. Further studies are now required to assess the impact of paracetamol on antioxidant defences in the lung.

Tylenol is known to deplete glutathione, (this is why an overdose will kill you-it exhausts the body's supply of glutathione, and the liver can no longer excrete it) which my son's metabolic profile did show that he was deficient in. Glutathione is the body's "master antioxidant" and is essential for eliminating toxins, including mercury, from the body. Studies are showing that many autistic kids are deficient in glutathione, and also have abnormalities with sulfation.

Lots of good information here, too...

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...1155402/pg_10/

I believe that this may possibly explain why babies so often get ear infections that first year of life. I believe that the Tylenol that is taken by the pregnant mother, as well as the tylenol given along with vaccines is depleting glutathione to a small degree in the ear canal, making it harder to the body to fight off the infection on its own.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

BACKGROUND: The inflammatory cells documented in chronic otitis media with effusion (OME) spontaneously release oxidants which can induce middle ear (ME) epithelial cell damage. Glutathione (GSH), a major extracellular antioxidant in humans, plays a central role in antioxidant defense. PURPOSE: To evaluate the effects of GSH treatment on chronic otitis media with effusion (OME). SUBJECTS AND INTERVENTION: Sixty children with chronic OME were enrolled, 30 of whom were randomly assigned to the treatment group and 30 to the placebo group. Patients in the treatment group received 600 mg glutathione in 4 mL saline per day subdivided into five 2-minute administrations given by nasal aerosol every 3 or 4 waking hours for 2 weeks. Patients in the control group received 4 mL saline per day following the same procedure as for GSH treatment. RESULTS: Three months after therapy improvement had occurred in 66.6% of patients in the GSH-treated group and in 8% of the control subjects (P <.01). CONCLUSION: On the basis of these results, GSH treatment could be considered for the nonsurgical management of chronic OME.

I believe these frequent ear infections in the first year of life, and the medications used to treat them are setting these kids up for a perfect storm by depleting their sulfates, stripping their gut flora, and depleting their glutathione. The MMR is one in which very high fevers are often reported, and if the gut integrity is already under stress, and more Tylenol is administered, you're only asking for trouble.

For years, I had thought that only vaccines were the cause of my older son's autism. So much so, that I refused to vaccinate my younger son. However, that child also started showing signs of autism, (mostly in the way of speech delay-he is nowhere near as severly autistic as my older son, and will likely lose his diagnosis of PDD-NOS as he gets older.) I took Tylenol very frequently during the end of my pregnancy, due to severe back pain, as well as taking Tylox (which contains acetaminophen) for pain after my cesarean. My younger child also has mild asthma.

Many of the medications that are given to women after birth contain acetaminophen (Tylox, Darvocet, Lorcet, Lortab, etc).

Another thing that I discovered is that the practice of administering Tylenol before vaccinations is not supported by scientific evidence.

I've also found evidence that Tylenol causes mitochondrial damage:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

Since the first mitochondrial dysfunction was described in the 1960s, the medicine has advanced in its understanding the role mitochondria play in health and disease. Damage to mitochondria is now understood to play a role in the pathogenesis of a wide range of seemingly unrelated disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disease, dementia, Alzheimer's disease, epilepsy, migraine headaches, strokes, neuropathic pain, Parkinson's disease, ataxia, transient ischemic attack, cardiomyopathy, coronary artery disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, retinitis pigmentosa, diabetes, hepatitis C, and primary biliary cirrhosis. Medications have now emerged as a major cause of mitochondrial damage, which may explain many adverse effects. All classes of psychotropic drugs have been documented to damage mitochondria, as have stain medications, analgesics such as acetaminophen, and many others. While targeted nutrient therapies using antioxidants or their precursors (e. g., N-acetylcysteine) hold promise for improving mitochondrial function, there are large gaps in our knowledge. The most rational approach is to understand the mechanisms underlying mitochondrial damage for specific medications and attempt to counteract their deleterious effects with nutritional therapies. This article reviews our basic understanding of how mitochondria function and how medications damage mitochondria to create their occasionally fatal adverse effects.

The 4 "A" disorders are all becoming more frequent in children over the past 20 years, coinciding with the timing of aspirin's link to Reye's Syndrome. I do not believe this to be just a coincidence.

I know this has been long, and I've only scratched the surface of what I've learned, but I thank you if you've read this entire post.

Please use Tylenol with extreme caution.

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Thank you J_Mac for your story and the great resources you've provided to launch us all on our own discovery! 

2 Months Old

Tomorrow Aellyn will be two months old!  Look how cute!  I bought this dress they day we found out we were having a baby girl.

10 Pounder

Aellyn had her two month check up yesterday and weighs an astounding 10lbs 7oz!
it makes me feel like superwoman that my milk made that happen.  I was also thrilled to have survived my second vaccination "battle."  I'm so glad we found Dr. Lavin he didn't pressure us at all about it.  We did sign a version of the "bad mama" form but I don't care about that.  I feel good that her body is pure - nothing has went into it but my milk!

Where to Start

Sometimes real life conspires to keep me from my virtual life!  That's ok since sometimes I get lost in the virtual life and forget to live my real life, lol.  I haven't been posting but so much has happened.  I missed most of the Ultimate Blog Party because I was feeling sick for a week.  The good thing about virtual parties is you can come late!  So, I'll be taking advantage of that big list at 5 Minutes for Mom to visit fellow bloggers.

I had my 6 week postpartum check up with my midwife last week - I can't believe it has been 6 weeks!  It was the most fun to show off Aellyn.

Even longer than 6 weeks...this weekend DH surprised me with a romantic weekend away to celebrate our 10th Anniversary!  My parents came to our house and watched Aellyn.  They co-slept and everything.  Without them there is no way we could have done this.  I wasn't worried about the baby the whole time although I did miss her terribly.  We had a wonderful time and talked alot about the last 10 years and how lucky we are to have each other.  We both know that the most important thing we can give Aellyn is happily married parents.

Aellyn has changed so much in the past week and half!  But, that's another post...right now real life calls.