Snow, snow, snow

Picnic anyone?

We have, needless to say, a large amount of snow right now.  DH got stuck in a snow drift yesterday and when I went out to help (like what was I gonna do, right?) I slipped on a patch of ice.  I didn't go down or do anything that would hurt the baby but I aggravated my symphysis pubis terribly.  I could hardly move last night - sleeping even hurt because it was just throbbing.  Today it is still super sore - I have to take baby, Geisha steps.  If it weren't the weekend I'd call the chiro for an adjustment.  I hope if I take it easy and do minimal walking even around the house it will calm back down to its dull-throb annoyance level.  I'm so concerned that this pain will get worse with labor but I hear that it actually makes labor easier (since my pubic joint is extra wide as a result.)

I started last night with Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) vaginally as well as orally (which I've been doing for a few weeks) - this is supposed to get my cervix going with dilation and effacement.  I'm taking 3 Red Raspberry Leaf (RRL) capsules per day also (these strengthen uterine muscles).  Anything to not be induced!  I'm planning on acupuncture if I'm still pregnant on 2/9.

The View Talks About IVF

Today on The View, while talking about California's newborn octuplets, Sherri Shepherd talked about her experience with in vitro fertilization and cleared up some misconceptions.  She also advocated for insurance coverage for IVF, seconded by co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck.  Overall it was great to see a mainstream show talk about the facts which few really know.  Even Barbara Walters didn't know the difference between IVF and methods that cause these very high order multiples.  

That was a question I often got - "omg, you're going to have 6 babies."  People just don't understand the process and how responsibly most patients and REs are.  I don't know what this most recent mother did to conceive 8 babies and I hope they all survive and thrive.  However I think it is horribly irresponsible to conceive such a high order pregnancy.  Don't get me wrong I do NOT believe in selective reduction, where they abort one or more babies to help the others thrive.  But specifically because I would never reduce I would also never take chances with high order multiples.  The risks to both mother and babies is too high.  

When I did superovulation cycles, where you take drugs to make your ovaries grow more eggs, I was monitored to check for how many were growing.  If it had been more than 3 then the doctors would have cancelled my cycle - no insemination, no sex because of the risk of all the eggs fertilizing.  If a doctor is monitoring a woman and allows her to proceed with a possibility of 8 eggs that is completely irresponsible.  I'm not saying it has to happen this way.  Eggs can "hide" from the ultrasound and the tirgger shot that makes you ovulate can quickly ripen what might have looked like an underdeveloped egg.  It is a risk with superovulation cycles.  If this had happened to me I would not have reduced but I would have done all I could to not be in that situation.

One of the problems, which Sherri mentioned on The View, is that the lack of insurance coverage causes people to take larger risks.  In other countries IVF is covered and doctors only take less chances - often implanting only 1 embryo.  Sherri noted that her premature IVF son cost 1 million dollars in the NICU.  How much are these 8 babies costing the insurance company?  If IVF had been covered it would have cost less and led to more successful outcome - fewer, healthy babies.  

Write your congressmen about passing H.R. 2892.

That's My Daughter in the Water

A beautiful Father/Daughter song:

Dilated...

Ok, but just barely.  I am about 1cm dilated.  My NST was perfect (and still non-stressful at the Birth Center).  Blood Pressure good.  Took Group B Strep test...waiting for results.

All Systems Ready.

Come on Aellyn!  Mama wants to kiss you.

Handedness and Heredity

So I was talking to my mom today about how I'm less scared about birth than I am about difficulty breastfeeding.  This led to my all time most feared parenting challenge is having a left-handed child (please note tongue-in-cheek being employed I'm quite sure there are much more challenging things!).  I am SO right handed that I can't believe how ambidextrous my sister has to be as a lefty.  I think it would actually be difficult to teach a lefty how to write or hold a pencil.  So, I decided to see if there was research on how heredity effects handedness.  It seems there isn't a specific gene and it is variable but in general the overall balance of 90% right-handed vs. 10% left handed is constant across the world and generations.  DH and I are both right-handed and according to several studies our chances of having a lefty is about 9%.

Two right handed parents, 9%
Left handed father, 12%
Left handed mother, 16%
Two left handed parents, 20% 

I'm sure if Aellyn is a lefty, Aunt Mandi will be willing to show her a thing or two!

Are you a good parent? quiz memes, or, the always-good-for-a-chuckle double standards in parenting

The answer may depend on if you are a mom or a dad. Check it out: Raising My Boychick: Are you a good parent? quiz memes, or, the always-good-for-a-chuckle double standards in parenting

One Year Later

It was exactly one year ago today that we had our appointment with Dr. Austin at the Cleveland Clinic Fertility Center.  2008 was Operation Get Knocked Up!  however, we thought we would be pursuing donor sperm - we had picked out clinics and browsed donor registries.  And, of course, we had "come to grips" with our child not having DH's gorgeous chocolate eyes.  I don't think you can really come to grips with that but when you can talk about it without crying that's as good as it gets.

What a treat we had in Dr. Austin.  Compared to our previous RE she was sensitive and took her time to get to know us.  And, God bless her, she saw something in us that told her we would appreciate the chance at IVF. Look at us now!  Bloated, waddling, carrying around a bottle of Maylox and swigging from it like a drunk on Mad Dog!  LOL.  What a blessing.  Blessing.  Blessing.  

I've been transferring all my old blog posts from 06 and found this quote "If (when) I get preggo this month I will be due...Valentine's Day. Cool.  Please, please, please, please, please give me a Valentine's Baby!!!"

God was listening - I just needed to be patient ad wait for his time.  Now I'm getting my Valentine's baby!

Breastfeeding PSA

Prequel to a birth...

So last night and today I've been experiencing contractions.  They are painful and sometimes frequent - as close as 6 min apart.  I don't think they are getting closer, worse, or more regular so this is probably just pre-labor.  It is quite exciting.  It gives me a chance to practice relaxing through the pain and it is hopefully dilating my cervix!  I'm glad I know not to worry or call the midwife.  I'm sure that when the time is right I'll be screaming and SURE it is time to go!  

(btw, I think "false labor" is an insulting term.  There is nothing false about it and it is very much a part of labor even if it doesn't lead to delivery.)

Non-Stress Test at the Birth Center

Had my first non-stress test at the Birth Center today and it was really worth it.  I was there for hours since they take it like a hospital admission and are very thorough - but the test itself was so much easier.  They place that monitor on my stomach and it just instantly picks up her heartbeat.  Sometimes I had to strain to hear it but the machine was picking it up perfectly.  In the office we could all hear the heartbeat loud and clear but the machine wasn't getting it.  I imagine that this is costing my insurance co. more money (awww, poor babies) but honestly, they need up to date equipment in the office.  I'm happy that everyone took my feelings seriously and didn't tell me to "suck it up."

My blood pressure was high which tends to be a problem each week.  After trying to relax and lying on my left side it goes down.  I think the more resting I do the better.  I certainly don't want to develop toxemia.  However, my urine samples are always good - no protein, sugar, or leukocytes.  Aellyn is always really active.  I hear some women don't feel their babies move much.  Not me.  She's a kicking, squirming machine.  God, I love her.

My move to Blogger

This may seem off topic but honestly blogging has been such an important part of my infertility journey - bringing me virtual hugs from IF sisters in my despair and cheers when I got pregnant.  I did decide to move to blogger because wordpress if very limited in their free accounts.  I've wanted to do this for a LONG time but there was no way to easily do it (one of the annoying things about blog platforms and portability).  Well, I finally came across this utility program that imports your exported wordpress file to an importable blogger file!  It was a miracle and it was free!  The only limitation is it must by less than 1MB which mine was not, so I cut the file in half and did it in two parts.  This took my posts, tags (categories), and comments (keeping my comments was very important to me!).  Try it out:  Wordpress2Blogger Utility.

If you have never blogged I would really recommend it.  Even if no one ever reads it - it is very theraputic for you to "journal."  Then adding the wonderful commenters and fellow bloggers (see: cyclesistas) is just icing on the cake.  Lastly, I'm creating a memorial for my children to know how loved they were before I met them!

Positive Birth Quotes

• "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful; it's that women are strong." L.S. Harm
• "Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength." Barbara Katz Rothman
• "The knowledge of how to give birth without outside intervention lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on an acceptance of the process." Suzanne Arms
• "Birth is an experience that demonstrates that life is not merely function and utility, but form and beauty." Christopher Largen
• "Birthing is the most profound initiation to spirituality a woman can have." Robin Lim
• "Women's bodies have their own wisdom, and a system of birth refined over 100,000 generations is not so easily overpowered." Sarah Buckley
• "Birth is the sudden opening of a window, through which you look out upon a stupendous prospect. For what has happened? A miracle. You have exchanged nothing for the possibility of everything." William MacNeile Dixon
• "The instant of birth is exquisite.
  Pain and joy are one at this moment.
  Ever after, the dim recollection is
  so sweet that we speak to our children
  with a gratitude they never understand."
  Madline Tiger
• For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE. 2Timothy 1:7
• Whenever a woman gives birth to a child, she remembers the hard work no more, for the joy that a child has been born into the world. John 16:21

Mommy I Want THAT!

TV viewing is ubiquitous in our culture.  I consider my husband and I enlightened but we still watch an embarassing amount of television each week.  Of course, lots of research has been done on children watching too much TV.  It seems obvious that using the TV as a babysitter is parenting neglect - but how far is too far?

Growing up we had a neighbor who only allowed her children to watch the first 1/2 of a Scooby Doo episode.  Then they talked about how it could end.  Although I see the imaginative value of this (and the interaction with the parent) this seems kind of excessive to me.  I watched Scooby Doo after school every day.  It was winding down time after school.  Then the TV went off until later in the evening.  I've been thinking a lot about how to strike this balance between having a TV free family (admirable but not for us) and throwing our hands up and worshiping the "stupid box."

One of the things that really bothers me about television is commercials.  Particularly those targeted at children.  Studies have shown that children under 7 are not capable of distinguishing effectively between advertisements and the programs they are watching.  Young children are also not able to understand persuasive intent, meaning they are much more likely to take claims at face value.  All of this sets up a conflict between parent and child.  Mommy, I want that...turns into a complex "if I don't get it you don't love me no one will like me at school I just want to die" spiral.  Children are being programmed to be materialists and to learn to be unhappy because they don't have an item.

I know for me materialism is an uphill battle.  It is hard for me to see that a iPhone won't make me happier.  When I see a commercial I feel like I just HAVE TO HAVE IT.  My adult reasoning skills and monthly budget help me rationalize.  Children don't have that capacity and perhaps the development of it is stunted by the influx of commercialism.

So, there are other problems with TV I'll address at some point but DH and I agree that we would rather stock up on Barney (Barney? am I dating myself?) DVDs and limit exposure to corporate greed.

The "Rule of 10" Versus Women's Primal Wisdom - by Lydi Owen

Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas and childbirth educators all warn that a swollen cervix will impede labor and increase the chances of tearing the cervix, thus causing hemorrhage. They have been taught that a swollen cervix is easily broken or pulverized. If this is indeed the truth, then why do most women during labor have an irresistible urge to begin bearing down before dilation is complete?

Could it be that the instinctual wisdom of our bodies has become our enemy? Is Spirit trying to destroy us instead of guiding us? Why would we feel the need to begin bearing down at 5–6 cm (or sooner) if it would shatter the gateway to the baby’s outer world?

via The "Rule of 10" Versus Women's Primal Wisdom - by Lydi Owen.

You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby

We had an ultrasound today and the u/s tech switched to 3D!  I didn't even know they had that.  I can see why people pay for this - in 4D, when she was moving in time it was amazing!  Of course these grainy pictures could never do justice to seeing it in real time.  Look at those chubby baby cheeks!




She is weighing 6 1/3 lbs. so not too big or small!  I also talked to the OB about my stress with the non-stress tests and she is going to order them for the Birth Center with the new equipment!

Pregnant Humor

Five things you never thought you'd say 
• "Let me just finish this can of frosting." 
• "Would you mind tying my shoes?" 
• "Does my stomach look too small to you?" 
• "Can you please massage my perineum again?" 
• "Help, I can't get out of bed."

Erin Brockovich takes on Gardasil

This vaccine has only been on my peripheral radar because they aren't trying to shoot up my infant with it (yet).  But, I do have friends and family with young daughters approaching the age where their doctor may insist they need this poison.

Reasons NOT to get the Gardasil vaccine for your daughter:

1. It is NOT the most effective way to avoid or find Cervical Cancer. 
   Cervical Cancer is one of the most easily detected cancers to find early and treat well.  The answer is yearly pap tests.  Even if you get the vaccine you still need yearly pap tests.  Pap tests do not have poisons like Gardasil does.


2. It is NOT a cancer vaccine
   This is a horrible marketing scheme that borders on (or has crossed the line to) being blatant mis-information.  Gardasil is NOT a cancer vaccine.  It is a vaccine intended to protect against a virus called HPV which is believed to cause some types of cervical cancer.  A+B does NOT equal Q.


3. It is a mildly effective vaccine at best
   There are 150 known types of human papilloma virus (HPV).  Of the 150 types there are 15 considered high risk and 3 probable high risk for developing into cervical cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, other risk factors for cervical cancer include  smoking, HIV infection, chlamydia infection, dietary factors, hormonal contraception, multiple pregnancies, exposure to the hormonal drug diethylstilbestrol (DES) and a family history of cervical cancer.  Gardasil protects against 4 types of HPV.  Two types that can cause genital warts and another 2 types that are high risk for cervical cancer.  Crunch some numbers and Gardasil hardly seems to be the holy grail of cervical cancer safety. 


4. It is a deadly vaccine at worst
   The Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System (VAERS) has logged over 9,749 adverse reactions after receiving Gardasil.  The CDC states that VAERS consists of only 1-10% of actual cases.  The FDA approved Gardasil in June of 2006...these VAERS numbers are from June 2008.  At that time 20 deaths had been reported.  Other serious reactions include Guillian Barre syndrome, seizures, pulmonary embolism, thombrosis, as well as fainting, nausea, and vomiting.  Another wonderful side effect is developing genital warts which has been reported in 78 cases.  According to the Merck product manufacturer insert, there was 1 case of juvenile arthritis, 2 cases of rheumatoid arthritis, 5 cases of arthritis, and 1 case of reactive arthritis out of 11,813 Gardasil recipients.


5. It was approved without adequate testing
   Initial testing will be complete on Gardasil in September of 2009...3 years after its approval.  NO LONG TERM STUDIES have been conducted.  The manufacturer does not even know how long the vaccine will protect girls. 


6. The average age of Cervical Cancer diagnosis is 48


7. Most infections with HPV clear up on their own     
   "The vast majority of women clear or suppress HPV to levels not associated with CIN II or III and for most women this occurs promptly.  The duration of HPV positivity (which is directly related to the likelihood of developing a high grade lesion or cervical cancer) is shorter, and the likelihood of clearance is higher, in younger women."³ Seventy percent of women clear the virus spontaneously after 18 months and 90 % clear the virus after 2 years.⁴  Vaccinating children against HPV with a vaccine that is of unknown duration of efficacy may only postpone their exposure to an age which they are less likely clear the infection on their own and be subject to more severe disease, including the cervical cancer which the vaccine is supposedly preventing. This would require an unknown number of boosters and is a setup for complacency in the older population that is a recipe for disaster (source)." 

Erin Brockovich (yes that one from the movie with Julia Roberts) is researching for a class action law suit against Merck, Gardasil's manufacturer.  If you believe you or your child had an adverse effect visit her site for more information.

Emotional Meltdown at the Midwife's

Ugh.  I had my appointment today with the midwives and another wonderful non-stress test which I, in fact, find very stressful.  Their machine is antiquated and doesn't work very well.  You can hear the heartbeat fine but the machine won't pick it up.  So, you end up playing the machine more than listening to the baby's reactivity.  They have to push the monitor really hard into my abdomen to get it and I have to lay in a very uncomfortable position for 1/2 hour or more.  Today the machine was really bad - even with the pushing it kept going in and out and missing Aellyn's movements.  So, the student that was with my midwife starts jabbing me in the abdomen telling me she's trying to "make the baby mad."  I don't think that is funny at all and it didn't feel good either.  I got really quiet and I knew DH knew I was upset.  Well, they still didn't get the 15 second heart acceleration they wanted so they used this noise making wand thing on my abdomen.  It emits a loud, vibrating wave into my uterus.  It was loud to me and really moved my belly (it even registered as a contraction that's how strong it was).  I just lost it and started crying.  I hate doing that to my baby for no reason.  Then I had to explain why I think the non-stress test is pointless and only required to jump through these stupid OB requirements!  My baby is fine and we are hassling her with unnecessary tests.

Once again, my midwives are pretty much on my side.  She even said - "I'm glad I had my kids 30 years ago so I didn't have to do all this crap."  But the fact is this is what I have to deal with.  This almost same thing happened last week and I really talked myself down and spent this past week thinking positive thoughts.  But standing around a machine waiting for a green light and a squiggly line to say Aellyn is ok is very nerve-wracking and frustrating.  I don't want to be getting all upset everytime I have an appointment.  But, if I was holding an infant in my arms and the dr. wanted to do something that startled her into crying - would it be weird if I didn't like it?  How can this experience on my unborn baby be any different?

Crying is Good for a Baby's Lungs

This gem of parenting advice from the turn of the century is unfortunately still in circulation.  It is usually a quick follow-up to "if you jump up every time he/she cries you'll spoil them!"  Both of these are completely false.  Here are some reasons why that tug in your heart that is telling you to go pick your baby up is correct.

1. Increased blood pressure, cortisol, and heart rate.
   
   
   
   • "Documented immediate and long-term sequelae of crying include increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen level, elevated cerebral blood pressure, initiation of the stress response, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, interrupted mother-infant interaction, brain injury, and cardiac dysfunction. Caregivers are encouraged to answer infant cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively."  Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
   
   
   
   


2. Increased risk of ADHD
   
   
   
   •  Infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior.  Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060. 
   
   
   
   


3. Decreased IQ
   
   
   
   • "Children with prolonged crying (but not those with colic only) had an adjusted mean IQ that was 9 points lower than the control group." M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
   
   
   
   

Ferber who is responsible for the "ferber" method of cry-it-out sleep training says, "Occasionally, as parents increase the time they wait before responding, their child cries so hard he throws up. If that happens, go in even though the time isn't up yet. Clean your child up and change the sheets and pajamas as needed. But do so quickly and matter-of-factly, and then leave again."  That can not be the normal, biological response of a mother.  

Even people who agree with responding to an infant's cries during the first few months tend to think that there is a certain age where you are just spoiling a child.  Six months, 12 months, etc.  Whatever arbitrary cut off - they feel that they need to learn to "self soothe" and cry it out.  I don't believe that love and attention are things you can spoil a child with.  Toys, money, material things lead to spoiling.  Hugging your child when he is crying is not spoiling.  Children who are securely attached to their parents learn that the world is not a scary place and are actually more independent as they grow older.  

And crying is good for their lungs like bleeding is good for the veins!

Positive Birth Affirmations

BTW, have we noticed that I am 35 weeks today and have exactly 35 days left!  What a weird quirk of numbers!

I've mentioned before I'm doing meditation to prepare for natural childbirth.  I got very negative earlier this week about having to have fetal monitoring because of gestational diabetes.  I knew that my problem was not the circumstances (which can change all the time) but my ability to stay positive about it.  So, I'm working on using affirmations to help me prepare and visualize a healthy birth for Aellyn.  If you aren't familiar with the power of positive affirmations, read this article.

So, here are my affirmations.  Please feel free to suggest new ones!

1. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.


2. I will give birth without complications.


3. I am not afraid.


4. I know my baby feels my calmness and confidence.


5. I trust in my ability to give birth.


6. My body knows exactly what it is doing.


7. I am confident in my ability to birth naturally, painlessly and easily.


8. During labor and birth,I am completely relaxed and comfortable.


9. I will have an uncomplicated, peaceful, joyous and pleasurable birth.


10. My baby is healthy.


11. I am completely cooperating with my body.


12. I will breathe deeply and slowly to relax my muscles making it easier for my uterus to work.


13. My body is made to give birth, nice and easy.


14. I believe my baby's birth will come quickly and easily.


15. My body is completely relaxed.


16. All I need to do is relax and breathe - nothing else.


17. Everything is going right.


18. I feel the strong waves of labor and know that everything is normal and progressing.


19. Relax my mind and muscles.


20. Courage, faith and patience.


21. My body knows how to have this baby just as my body knew how to grow this baby.


22. Keep breathing slow and even.


23. Inhale peace, exhale tension.


24. Keep my mind on acceptance and surrender.


25. I show absolutely no signs of fear or concern.


26. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.


27. My body has a wide open space for my baby to descend.


28. My body will give birth in its own time.


29. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.


30. Birth is an easy and natural occurrence for which my body has been perfectly designed.


31. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.


32. I have the energy and stamina to birth my baby.


33. I surrender to the contractions and relinquish control of the forces within my body.


34. I allow my body's natural anesthesia to flow through my body.


35. I do not fight the birth in any way.


36. My body is totally relaxed


37. I am not afraid.


38. The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me.


39. I am ready and prepared for childbirth.


40. I relax so my baby can relax


41. My job is to simply relax and allow the birth to happen.


42. Just let my body do it; let it happen.


43. I see myself handling everything beautifully.


44. Each contraction produces a healthy, positive pain that I can handle.


45. Birth will go exactly as it should.


46. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.


47. My baby is healthy.


48. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.


49. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.


50. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.


51. I do not fight the birth in any way. My body is totally relaxed. I am not afraid.


52. My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind


53. I will have a strong and healthy baby


54. I trust my body to know how to birth this child
* I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour


55. I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby


56. I am a strong and capable woman


57. Only I can give birth to this baby and I accept responsibility for that challenge



58. My body knows how to birth my baby


59. I trust my instincts



60. Babies are born when they are ready, not when doctors, midwives or anyone decides


61. My body is indeed beautifully and wonderfully mad


62. It’s good for me to take care of myself. I get to have a voice


63. Listen to my body and heart


64. I deserve to have the birth I desire


65. I trust my body


66. I trust my pain


67. I trust my labour


68. I trust in my baby


69. I am a powerful, loving and creative being


70. I am now willing to experience all my feelings


71. My pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me


72. I accept myself completely here and now


73. I now feel inner peace and serenity



74. I accept this labour as my labour and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby



75. I love and accept my body completely


76. I accept all my feelings as part of myself


77. I feel the love of others around me


78. My baby knows all is well



79. My heart knows what my baby needs, my mind is learning


80. Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world


81. I embrace the concept of healthy pain


82. I have enough love to go around, the universe always provides


83. I am strong, confident assured, assertive and very feminine


84. My body contains all the knowledge necessary to give birth to my baby


85. My baby knows how and when to be born


86. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience


87. My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time


88. I know how to take care of myself in pregnancy.


89. My body knows how to give birth.


90. My baby knows the true birthday.


91. Birth is safe for me and my baby.


92. My baby will be born at the perfect time.


93. My body knows when to give birth.


94. I am a good mother.


95. My baby will find the perfect position for birth.


96. I love my baby.


97. My baby loves me.


98. I am a strong woman.


99. Contractions help to bring my baby.


100. I will make the right decisions for my baby.


101. My pregnant body is beautiful.


102. My baby senses the peace I feel.


103. I accept the help of others.


104. My baby's head fit snuggly into my pelvis.


105. I accept my labor and birth.


106. I am surrounded by those who love and respect me.


107. I trust my body.


108. I know how to take care of my baby.


109. My baby feels my love.


110. This is what I want. I can do it!


111. My body knows how to give birth and I will let it!


112. My contractions are massaging my baby and hugging it.


113. My cervix ix opening with each contraction.


114. Childbirth is a normal, healthy event


115. I can have a healthy, positive birth


116. The power of birth strengthens me


117. I am calm and relaxed, every part of me is limp and loose


118. My baby shares my calmness and confidence


119. I am able to rest deeply between contractions


120. I greet each contraction with openness and expansion


121. My breathing is slow and even


122. With each breath I breathe in calm and I breathe out tension


123. With each breath I breathe in confidence and I breathe out fear


124. I welcome each contraction with my breath.


125. Every contraction brings me closer to the birth of my baby


126. My cervix is opening, like a flower


127. My pelvis is flexible and open


128. My muscles are warm, heavy, and totally relaxed


129. I am excited about the birth of our baby


130. My baby is in the perfect position for birth


131. Every contraction brings my baby closer to me


132. I trust my body and my baby to know how to achieve a safe, comfortable and easy birth


133. Every hand that touches me in hospital is a healing hand and expresses only love


134. I am totally comfortable at all times


135. This day, hour, and minute is sacred and blessed

Another good one is Frank Herbert's Litany Against Fear (from the Dune books): 

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

My Parents Rock

If you've ever seen my mom's comments you know she rocks.  My dad is awesome too.  They both so easily accept all my "crazy" notions about parenting!  I never have an uphill battle with them about my choices.  They are open minded and super cool and willing to learn and change.  I think I've convinced them to stop getting flu vaxes for example.  So last night, my dad says out of the blue to my mom "do we use green cleaners?"  mom: "no"  dad: "well we should with the baby being around and all!"  

Wow, huh?  Progressive!  I'm so proud.

That leads me to my New Year's resolution!

Last year we started buying "green" products but stopped when it got too expensive.  So, this year we are going to make our own green cleaners!  I found this great site to help plan a Green Cleaning Party!  You get a bunch of people together and make cleaners from the recipes on the site, put them in cute bottles, decorate the labels and what not.  You can clean almost anything with water, vinegar, and baking soda and it is CHEAP!  No yucky chemicals and toxic odors.  Plus, did I mention it is CHEAP???  I'll document here how it goes throughout the year.

Join me in this Resolution and my other:  I took Deepak Chopra's Vow of Non-Violence and you can too.  Let's be the change we want to see in the world!

Breastfeeding is Obscene?

Facebook is standing by their stupid policy to remove photos of women breastfeeding their infants because they are "obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit."  Are you kidding me?  What is wrong with a world where this most basic human task is considered obscene?  Pornographic? Sexually explicit?  If you find a mother feeding her child to be either of these things then you are a disgusting, sick, twisted degenerate.  Get therapy.  



Both the World Health Organization and the CDC has active programs to promote breastfeeding because it is THAT important to the health of our children.  However, an uphill battle exists when people still choose to think that this is something that should be private and hidden.  "But what will my 8 year old son say?"  Well, maybe you should take a moment to explain to your son that we are mammals and we are designed to both gestate, give birth, and feed human babies in the perfect way.  Do you avoid exposing your kids or yourself to art that might include nudity?  Is this picture to the right obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit?  Are you going to refuse to teach your children about tribes in Africa that do not cover women's breasts?  If we avoid this then we make it obscene.  If you see a breastfeeding woman and gasp in shock then you are contributing to our "societies" hang ups about this.  

By the way, on Facebook - land of the wholesome - you are free to join the Girls Gone Wild Group -  "For all those girls who like gettin sloppy drunk and all those guys that try to take advantage of them."

I find just that picture-less sentence way more offensive than a woman nurturing her child.

Visitors!

A friend from work visited me yesterday and brought her adorable 12 mo girl.  It was so nice to have visitors!  I woke up like a kid on Christmas morning so excited about some human interaction (no offense DH :*).  It was invigorating just waking up and "getting ready" with hair and makeup.  Geesh, bedrest really makes you crazy.  We had a great visit discussing childbirth and pregnancy.  Her little one got to break in some of Aellyn's toys and her high chair.  It was amazing to have a baby in the house!  A few years ago this would have traumatized me for months!  I just can't wait to have baby smiles and giggles in my home!

Oh yeah, I also got a crash course in how NOT baby-proofed my house is! lol

Vaccines Are 'Exonerated' from Causing Autism? The Monkeys Know Better

Dr. William Schaffner, professor of infectious diseases and chairman of the department of preventive medicine at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine said recently to ABC News: "The problem isn't with vaccine safety, because they've been exonerated from all the implications of autism and all the other illnesses associated with vaccines."

To channel Jim Carey as Ace Ventura: Reeeeaaaaallllyyyy?

This statement is so patently false that Dr. Schaffner should be ashamed and be forced to retract this lie. Even the most pro-vaccine scientist or doctor should be willing to admit that the jury is still out. You may have read previously my problem with the epidemiological studies done to date. We have some actual scientific studies coming out that certainly do not exonerate the full childhood vaccine schedule from harm.

Dr. Laura Hewitson , Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Sciences at The University of Pittsburgh recently reported her study on primates receiving the 1990-1999 childhood vaccine full schedule. Macaques are often used to test human treatments prior to human trials. Vaccine producers and the CDC do not do animal studies prior to approval of a vaccine for our children. Dr. Hewitson did a controlled trial of fully vaccinated vs. fully unvaccinated subjects (note: human studies have never compared a true unvaccinated control group or included the whole vaccine schedule instead of just one vaccine shot). Here is a summary of Dr. Hewitson's research (Pediatric Vaccines Influence Primate Behavior, and Amygdala Growth and Opioid Ligand Binding Friday, May 16, 2008: IMFAR):

'Compared with unexposed animals, significant neurodevelopmental deficits were evident for exposed animals in survival reflexes, tests of color discrimination and reversal, and learning sets. Differences in behaviors were observed between exposed and unexposed animals and within the exposed group before and after MMR vaccination. Compared with unexposed animals, exposed animals showed attenuation of amygdala growth and differences in the amygdala binding of [11C]diprenorphine. Interaction models identified significant associations between specific aberrant social and non-social behaviors, isotope binding, and vaccine exposure.'

At the same conference Dr. Walker of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest University reported on chronic inflamation and gene expression in vaccinated and unvaccinated macaques. Microarray Analysis of GI Tissue in a Macaque Model of the Effects of Infant Vaccination Saturday, May 17, 2008 IMFAR.

"Histopathological examination revealed that vaccinated animals exhibited progressively severe chronic active inflammation, whereas unexposed animals did not. Gene expression comparisons between the groups (vaccinated versus unvaccinated) revealed only 120 genes differentially expressed (fc >1.5; log ratio p<0.001) at 10 weeks, whereas there were 450 genes differentially expressed at 14 weeks, and 324 differentially expressed genes between the 2 groups at necropsy."

Shame on you Dr. Schaffner.

Court Rules in Favor of Family after MMR Adverse Reaction

The US Court ruled [July 2008] in favour of this little boy Benjamin Zeller that as a result of the MMR vaccination received on 17 November 2004, Benjamin, suffered persistent, intractable seizures, encephalopathy, and developmental delay. 

"The Court found, as a matter of fact, that Benjamin would not have experienced the seizure disorder and acute encephalopathy or the marked deterioration in neurologic development evidenced by the medical record in this case, but for the administration of the MMR vaccine on 17 November 2004 and the ensuing seizure on 27 November 2004. As such, the law applicable in the Vaccine Program leads the Court to conclude that the vaccination at issue was the cause-in-fact of the injury discussed in the Court’s findings."

Watch the Video from the Florida Sun Sentinel: http://www.sun-sentinel.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=2973672

Welcome 2009! Aellyn's Birth Year