Finally coming up for air

Ugh, I have been so sick. It was partially because of the UTI but mostly I think the medicine for it was what was making me so sick. By Sunday I couldn't even keep any food down let alone the meds. I didn't think this was morning sickness because it was way worse. Sure enough, when I stopped taking the medicine I started feeling better. I called the midwife this morning and she gave me the go ahead to stop taking it despite the fact I had 3 days left. I have missed 5 day of work because of this! I'm so happy to be feeling better!

I can feel my uterus in my abdomen. It is like a hard ball about 2 inches above my pubic bone. I spend some time every day in stillness to try to feel my baby. I know it is very early for this but I want to be aware so I can feel it when the time comes. My 2nd trimester begins this Friday, which is also my 33rd birthday! So happy to be pregnant on my birthday!

Happy Birthday Louise Brown

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8288690356090850048&q=Louise+Brown+IVF+Baby&ei=xiqJSNXaJ4iE4QLNo7X5Bw]

4 million miracle babies ago...Louise Brown was the first.

UTI

Well any stress about being off shots has been gobbled up by having a bladder infection.  In hindsight I had many symptoms but since I've never had a UTI before I attributed everything to a pregnancy symptom.  I'm on an antibiotic now and hopefully we can get over this and move on.

We also talked to our midwife about prenatal testing.  DH and I both agree that we only want testing that will show a problem that can be fixed in utero or immediately after birth.  For example, spina bifida can be corrected with fetal surgery or surgery as a newborn.  Knowing this would help us and the doctors be prepared.  We do not want to know anything non-life-threatening about our baby.  We want to meet and love our baby and get to know him/her and all his gifts.  If you are having trouble reading between the lines what I'm saying is we will not be doing any testing for chromosomal abnormalities like Down's Syndrome.  I think something like that is much harder to deal with in the abstract and much easier to swallow with a beautiful baby in your arms.  People with mental disabilities are wonderful souls and we would be blessed with our child's strengths and weaknesses whatever they may be.  I heard on the radio that 90% of women who are told their baby might have Down's or another chromosomal abnormality choose to abort.  This infuriates me and not even from an anti-abortion standpoint.  I think this is insulting to every person out there with Down's.  I mean, have these people never meet someone with mental disabilities?  They are usually the light of the world filled with joy and kindness.  How can they not be meant to be born.  Stop.  End.  Rant.  Thank you.

On my own...

2 more days of PIO shots and then I'm med free.  I must admit that this is terrifying.  I think doctors should prescribe an injectable placebo for IF women who get pregnant.  I for one will feel much better if I'm actively "keeping myself pregnant."  And honestly, 6 inch needles in the butt every night are wonderful bonding experience for spouses.  I would really recommend it as a marital activity.

Mama's Little Kumquat

We saw our baby move yesterday!  We had our first OB appointment and a tour of the Birthing Center at Robinson Memorial Hospital in Ravenna.  I was nervous about liking the nurses and doctors because I didn't want to continue to OB shop.  My biggest concerns were 1) I'm a question asker and I want detailed answers from my doctor, and 2) I wanted some acknowledgment that I'm not like other pregnant women.  Well I got what I wanted!  The nurse and the doctor answered all my questions and after hearing about they type of birth experience I want, Dr. R offered if I wanted midwife care.  They way she did it was so nice too.  It wasn't like she was blowing me off but honestly looking at the type of care I wanted.  She said a midwife would give me more bedside labor care than she could.  They have 2 midwives in the practice so I would know them both and one of them would deliver (with the doctor there are 5 of them and they rotate on-call times).  So, I'm excited about that.

I asked Dr. R if I could hear the heartbeat today and he said 10 weeks is early but she would try.  I said "I just want doctor verification that I'm still pregnant."  So, she got me in for a quick ultrasound!  This really made me feel like she understood how hard it is to be pregnant after IVF.  So, we saw the little kumquat squirm and heard the hearbeat on ultrasound.  What a beautiful sound!  My next appt. is with the midwife in 4 weeks.

The hospital was very nice too.  Just what we were looking for.  Here is some information about them (crappy website; nice birth suites).

The Baby Factory

IF anniversary

Today is the anniversary of our infertility.  Exactly 9 years ago today, DH and I decided to try to start a family.  Little did we know it would take us 106 months of failure to reach the point we are at now.  Thank you God for bringing us a baby!  This makes me think about "survivors guilt."  That guilt that people feel when they recover from something while their friends, who played an invaluable role in your own journey, continue to suffer.  I must admit I do not feel survivors guilt per se.  I hate that the wonderful women I've met in the blogosphere and in my support group are still barren - no one should have to suffer with that.  But I don't feel guilty because I know that I, like the others, deserve this!  I paid my dues and so have they.  We should all be pregnant.  How I do feel is not like other pregnant women.  What do they know?  Did they have to try 6 whole months?  Poor babies.  I don't feel like I can relate to them.  Of course, I also can't relate to my support group girls anymore either.  This is the one club that you hope to get kicked out of.  I miss them.  I feel like they would understand me more than the others - the "normal" preggers.   I don't feel fertile.

However, I do feel pregnant now!  My mom took me shopping today for my first maternity wardrobe!  It was the most exciting thing.  I've never even been in a maternity store since they made me want to cry.  But there I was actually trying stuff on!  They have pillow bellies you put on to gage fit when you will be bigger.  You know that feeling when you try on the 'right' wedding dress and it is an overwhelming moment?  That's what seeing an image of myself at 8 months pregnant was like.  I can't believe that is going to be me - is me.  I wasn't sure with shopping today if I actually intended to start wearing the clothes for another few weeks but they are so comfortable.  My pants and my undies have been so uncomfortable and restrictive lately.  I had a tummy already so others can't see that I've changed by my clothes sure say I have.   I feel much more comfortable in these new clothes and I love how I look!  I feel like a walking miracle of life.  It feels sexy even.  Grrrr...I am woman hear me roar!

New Side Thingies!

So my images to the right are getting a little messy!  I added my baby registry at amazon.com (I will be registering at Babies R Us also for family and friends without computers).  I also added a link to Expect.net!  This is a really fun Baby Pool!  It is like an office superbowl pool for babies!  Guess our baby's gender, weight, length, and date/time of birth.  You win point for how close you get to being right and get a prize at the end!  Go guess the gender now because there will be a prize just for that when we find out.  After that everyone can change to the correct gender and get those easy 400 pts.!

Kidney beans, Kidney beans, meatloaf sandwich...

Oh wait, that's NAVY beans. Anyways...That quarter is getting smaller:

I feel constantly nauseas, I'm sleeping ALL DAY, my house is a mess. Ah the joys of pregnancy.

I Heart Blueberries

We have upgraded to a blueberry folks! In week 7 (which is almost over) my embryo is the size of a blueberry. Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks and my baby will officially be a fetus!

Other tidbits:

• "If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body."

ugh...

Raise your hand if you remember Mr. Yuck Face. He was a symbol for "dangerous product" if you were a child of the 70's like myself. They gave kindergartners these stickers to put on all of mom's cleaning products and such.

This face describes how I feel.

Yucky. I've been a bad blogger because basically I get up, go to work, get home, make dinner, and go to bed. I'm so tired and feel just awful. And my house! My house looks like a tornado hit it! I think that kinda makes me bummed. I get out of sorts when my house is messy. It is really hard to give yourself permission to be less than perfect for a while. If my baby needs sleep then that's what its gonna get!