2/9/10

My Reverse Traditional Husband In The Wild!

Author: Paige | at:Tuesday, February 09, 2010 | Category : , , , , | 7 comments
Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we're writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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This month's Carnival of Natural Parenting asked me how my co-parent supports my natural parenting choices.  What a great topic!  I can without hesitation say my husband is an essential part of our parenting team.  He doesn't just support it he is the core of it.

My family is called "reverse traditional."  Traditional meaning that we are a one income family and reverse meaning that Mommy is that one income.  I've talked before about my journey to this spot.  I don't really like the term reverse traditional since I think it assumes there is anything traditional these days.  I don't like Breadwinning Mom either.  I couldn't do what I do without Pete's "job" being done at home.  He is winning bread as much as I am.  Mr. Mom is offensive to most, although the fact that the movie by that name was even created is a step forward in my opinion.  Exposure equals normalizing.  The more reverse traditional dads we see the better!

So, what does a reverse traditional Dad look like?  Want to go on a safari?  Let's travel into the wilds to view some of the most elusive fathers in the world!

The Emperor Penguin Dad spends up to two months without eating while keeping his unhatched babies warm.  Once hatched, this superstar dad feeds the babies with a milky white substance produced by a gland in his esophagus (also note the "takes a village" technique of all the males huddling together to help keep the babies warm).


Sea Horse Dads are the only mammals on earth that gestate and give birth to their children (200 hundred of them).  They even go through painful labor.



The Red Fox Dad could win the awards for father and mate of the year.  He lets mom have her babymoon for 3 months while he provides food and protection for her and her pups.  Once mom is on her feet again he continues to father his pups.  He even homeschools!  He teaches his pups how to forage for food by burying scraps in the ground, thus giving them skills necessary for their survival.  (In a telling coincidence when I searched for "red fox father and pup" in a google image search, Google said "did you mean red fox mother and pup?")


The Midwife Toad Dad carries his incubating eggs around on his legs until they are ready to hatch.  The Darwin Frog carries them in his vocal sac through the tadpole stage.


Daddy Flamingo helps mom build the nest and shares in incubating the eggs.  Both mom and dad can feed the hatchlings a milk-like substance.


Ostrich Dads not only incubate the eggs but parent them with continued protection and homeschool them in survival skills.


The Dyak Fruit Bat Dad is the only male mammal known to lactate and nurse its young (although domesticated goats sometimes do too).


The Human Dad is known to serve as a locomotion device for pre-ambulatory young.


Human Dad forms strong nurturing bonds with their young.


Human Dad does what is called "sleep sharing" or "co-sleeping" with the young.


Human Dad is naturally a playful animal and often can be found playing with his young.


Human Dad feeds his young and teaches societal norms like "table manners."


The human species often uses mechanical means of locomotion.  Here Human Dad can be seen teaching his young to operate a mechanical locomotion device.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)




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2/6/10

The Value of a SAHD

Author: Paige | at:Saturday, February 06, 2010 | Category : | 2 comments
Of course the true value of having DH stay home with Aellyn goes way beyond anything that could be quantified but let's try anyways.

How Much We Save:

One of the ways often used to decided if a parent will stay at home is how much money it would save you.  

Child Care

The day care center at my work is very well priced but to approximate the one-on-one I'll use the price of the top-of-the-line, low ratio daycare in the area:  $240 per week for 52 weeks per year - that's $12,480 per year.

Housework

He does nearly all the housework.  In our area that type of service would cost about $125 per week - that's $6,500 per year.  Of course we wouldn't do this but then the house would be messier, we'd have to spend our precious family time cleaning, and we'd be much more stressed.

Cooking

DH makes yummy meals 5 days a week (and seriously, he doesn't slack and make hotdogs he really makes gourmet stuff).  A prepared meal delivery can cost anywhere from $50-70 per meal.  That's $18,200 per year.  Of course we wouldn't do this but we would eat out more (which costs $) and eat much less healthy if we were both working.  His cooking is good for our health.
Total Annual Savings:  $37,180

On the Open Market:

Another way to put a dollar value on DH staying home is how much money he would make at each job he does in our market.

Child Care

The average day care center teacher salary in my area is $12.85 according to Salary.com.  I use the teacher salary instead of the worker salary since I think that better approximates the one-on-one interaction Aellyn gets.  So that is an annual salary of $26,166.40.

Housework

I basically don't have to clean my house at all anymore since DH does such a good job.  We always shared this job after both of our working hours.  I can't stress enough the value I place on not having this second job after my day job.  The average salary for a housekeeper according to Salary.com for my area is $9.28 per hour.  They also average 16.5 hours a week so that's $7,962. 24 annually. 

Coooking

He does all the weekday cooking.  The average salary for a cook is $12.85 for about 13 hours per week. That's $8,686.66 annually.
Total Annual Salary:  $42,815.30
I'm sure there are many other ways to calculate the "value" of a stay-at-home parent.  Check out Salary.com's analysis here (unfortunately "mom" centric).  I think it can be a great exercise to help you think about what you are doing.

And, honey, no - I'm not going to start paying you.  :P

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2/4/10

Usual Suspects: NFL, CBS, Tebow, and NOW

Author: Paige | at:Thursday, February 04, 2010 | Category : , , , | 3 comments
Let's just get it out there.  I'm 100% pro-choice.  Meaning I do not believe Roe v. Wade should be overturned and I think abortion should be legal.  I'm 100% pro-life.  Meaning I believe that life begins at conception and is a precious and intentional act of God.

I take static from both sides of the Pro-Choice/Pro-Life campaigns.  I've been told by Pro-Lifers that I'm not "voting my conscience" and I've let my Christianity become secularized (at best - I had one person call me a eugenicist.)  Pro-Choicers vilify me because I am in favor of educating women about the nature of the fetus and responsible procreation.  I don't see anything wrong with having reproductive choice and responsibility.  I also don't see anything wrong with being Christian and not wanting to legislate my religion on others.

C'est la vie.  I find it much more disturbing that abortion becomes this polarizing topic that people expend all their passion arguing while other issues are ignored.  For example, this recent brouhaha about a 30 second Super Bowl Ad.

Focus on the Family paid CBS to air an ad during this Sunday's Super Bowl game featuring Heisman Trophy winner, Tim Tebow, and his mother sharing their personal pro-life story.  Focus on the Family certainly espouses some views I find heinous but all reports point to this commercial being very uplifting and mild as political ads go.  No pictures of dead babies and picketing with signs scrawled with "murderer."

Nonetheless, the National Organization of Women (NOW) and other feminist groups have called for CBS to cancel the ad.  I'm certainly no fan of CBS.  They have repeatedly denied ads for other groups with social messages and have accepted the Tebow ad because it was "responsibly produced"(?).  I don't think any of us should assume that the Super Bowl commercials will be a fairly distributed and balanced look at American social life.

And here is the crux of my problem:  People everywhere - Pro-Lifers, Pro-Choicers, Feminists, Christians, Network Execs, and Sports personalities are expending tons of energy arguing about the appropriateness of this one commercial while it will no doubt be sandwiched between something far more sinister.  Case in point, previous years' Super Bowls had the following ads:


So, an ugly woman needs a gimmick to make men notice her, which of course she does and of course the men treat her like an object.



The Go Daddy Girl?  Really?



This commercial is not only degrading to women but offensive to a slew of minorities.

Focus on the Family's Tebow ad will at its worse spark debate because it is overt in its purpose.  The half-naked woman selling a product in the commercial before it is much more insidious because it is covert.  It adds to the subtle and systemic culture of misogyny. It will spark subconscious disrespect for women and cause a new generation of girls to have self esteem so low it leads to anorexia, bulimia, dangerous cosmetic surgery, years of therapy bills and drug abuse.  While boys learn that women are objects - collections of body parts to be oogled.

NOW missed the boat*.  Tebow and Focus on the Family win this round of the abortion merry-go-round. Unfortunately it is all of us and our children that really lose.

*Planned Parenthood did a better job with this nice rebuttal video.

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